What sort of abuse is this?

I have several memories of my mother looking "down there" when I was around 10 and then at 16 years old. I let my mother look again when I thought I was losing my first baby - I was 27 years old. At 16 I contracted gential warts from my current boyfriend and my mother insisted on putting the lotion on for me to treat it.

She was horrifically sexually abused by her own father from the age of 8 years until a teenager and kept this in for 30 years. Do abused people always go on to abuse, whether it be emotional or sexual? She also used to strip off my children's nappies a lot when babies, I have 2 kids, I felt it wasnt right but couldnt say anything, I felt numb. When they got older my daughter would stay over and she would have her in bed with her at age around 9 and 10 years. My daughter is now 12, my son 10.

I had a bad breakdown about all this a couple of years ago and a child protection order was put on my mother for a year, banning her from having all contact with my kids. I was very ill and couldnt protect them, eventually my husband and I came out of the nightmare.

My mother is extremely controlling, she controls my 3 brothers (all adults) still and it is like she has learnt to be a different person with strangers (very charming etc.) but to her kids she is evil. I was constantly put down by her, told that I was hyper sensitive and she used to make fun of me in front of the others if I acted up and wanted attention. Oh and I couldnt be selfish at all and big headed, that was a no go.

I have just been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder as well (there is a huge family history of depression etc. on my mothers side).

I just want to try and get this abuse thing clear in my mind - I have no memories at home from around 6 or 7 years to 14 years. I remember if I felt happy or had achieved something at school I would squash these feelings completely as I felt I didnt deserve to be happy.

Any thoughts on this anyone, would really appreciate some help. Thanks

A couple of years

This is a hard post to reply to because of it's complexity. I mean there are so many aspects to the question you are asking. I think only a professional will be able to answer your question and be able to provide you the correct answer.

What I can say from my personal opinion is I think the type of abuse your mother has over you and your siblings is a controlling emotional abuse. And since I'm not sure of all the details with the sexual incidents I'm not able to say she's a sexual abuser, but I have a feeling she is. Especially since she was as a child.

I would definitely speak to a pro about this issue. It's very concerning and can eat you up whole if you continue to suppress it.

Those years that you don't remember well may be suppressed memories. You'll never know what actually happened unless you go see a pro.

I really wish you the best and I hope I said something you can benefit from. Please let me know if you need anything.

Cheer up okay, don't let her bring you down, that's another way she has control.....by hurting.

Ali, not everyone who was abused ever abused someone else (it's estimated that about one third do), but almost every abuser had their own abuse history.

You're asking lots of complicated questions. I think you would get a lot out of reading "The Emotional Incest Syndrome" by Patricia Love. (I think I have that title and author right, but let me know if you don't find it and I'll look it up). That book might answer a lot of your questions and help you know how to break the cycle as well as understand your mother and why she did some of those things. At the least she sounds very intrusive, and you were hurt by it.

Best wishes to you,
Rap

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

It is hard to say if any thing ever happened or not.... for it has been proven that some of our memories are from real occurrences, while otters are from our wounded minds trying to make sense out of it all and it then mixes it up with the only people we know - our loved one, past and present.

Do you have a T and have you tried talking about these feelings and flash backs out with him/her?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hi and many thanks to you all for your kind help and advice. Rap - I have ordered that book on amazon so hopefully should arrive in a few days, thanks for that.

best wishes

You're welcome. Let us know what you think of it, okay?

Best,
Rap