[lostlove]

I was in an abusive marriage for twenty years.I gave so much to this man that I hoped some day would change.My mom died in my arms.Three months later he walks in and tells me that he is in love with his brothers girlfriend and asks me to leave.The more I hurt about things the more he enjoyed hurting me.I wonder at times what I did to make him hate me so much.

[mrb020377]

lostlove, I am sorry that this happened to you. No one should have to live like that . WE are hear for you.

Welcome to Psych Central!!!!

[Sher]

Please dont blame yourself for this mans abusive behavior . I bet you wanted nothing more than to make him happy. I would also bet you are a kind , caring person. Take this time to learn what YOU need and to take care of yourself.

[walkswithspiritbear]

Welcome to the board, I believe you couldn't find a more supportive group than this you will find here on this site. I know what it is like to have been in a long term situation and he would wait until I was at my worst to throw even more at me.. Keep on posting. This is a great bunch of people that can understand and even if they don't totally understand are extremely caring... Sending gentle hugs your way. Take care

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

You LOVE your self one step at a time and with retraining the wounds that have been placed with in your mind - start with doing some positive talk and less of the negative that has been a such a huge part of your life so far.... if YOU cannot do it some days just come here and WE will HELP!


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[wisewoman]

You know what struck me? Taht you had a mom who died in your arms. This man does not matter. Search deep and you can see what matters. Sometimes I feel so hateful of men like this. You are good, you are so lucky in one way to be there with mom. I wonder about this guy's history. Probably as messed up as mine.

[hillbunnyb]

Lostlove, Hi, welcome to PC> caring folks here. RE your question about learning to love yourself again, pick something you like about yourself, anything: talent, attribute, skill, and love yourself for it. Make a list of what you can do, when you get stuck, pick something and do it.

Learn to toss negative self talk into the grave of the relationship and choose to think up and say positive things, in the moment: throw out old, embrace new: train yourself, hard work, Breaking old habits is gut wrenchingly, lifechanginglyl hard, work. No shortcuts but, great benefits!
Plus, just hang out with people who treat you wtih respect.

[LILITH]

Hello and Welcome to PC.... My name is Altheia I am a Domestic Violence Advocate... Let me first say you did nothing wrong... Being abused by a spouse is hard... They almost never change, you can do everything right and they will still find something wrong. These abusers love inflecting pain. They actually find great pleasure in it. Some of these men that is the only way they can feel secure about their insecure selves. I have talked to countless women about this issue... It hurts now but at least you will not be hurting forever... It will take awhile for you to begin to love yourself again. It will happen.... If you ever need a sounding board let me know, you can PM me... Altheia

[CompGeek]

He probably doesn't hate you at all.... I would imagine that you are the victim of his displaced anger, He is probably angry at bosses/ threating people in his life. I am sorry that he was so mean to you, you deserve much better than that.
~Jason

[Quay]

Hi lostlove,

I would tell you it's a long road back to finding yourself again, and learning to like and then even love that person. I was in a similar place 3 yrs ago. I woke up after 26yrs of marriage to realize it was abusive. I just kept making excuses, until there were none left to make. I just thought I needed to love and support him enough and it would fix everything. It's not about what we do or don't do. It's their issues that cause them to strike out at those they mean to love, whether they use their voice or their hands.

Healing is a slow process, but it does happen, one day at a time. This place is wonderful. People here are wise and supportive. There are also sometimes support groups in your community that will help you heal from domestic violence. Take time and be very patient with yourself. You will get there.

Take care, Quay

[(JD)]

How are you doing lostlove? Can you post an update to let us know you are ok? TC!