Pregnant?

Big Mama · Jan 29, 2013, 08:05 AM

NO IT IS NOT. It is not your fault. The man who raped me did so for 9 months. I even went back to him repeatedly. But every time I was manipulated, begged him to stop, cried, and said no I don't know how many times.

That doesn't mean I deserve what I got. It doesn't make me guility because I returned. Love is a crazy thing. Controlling someone else is an even crazier thing.

If you could have tried harder you would have, if you could have made him stop you would have. Being abused makes it harder and adds an extra element of fear. You were not stupid you are young and do not have the mental development as of yet to process things quickly, say stop, get away from the abuse and stop this from happening all at the same time. That is not to say you are dumb that is saying as a young person you brain has not developed enough to process the amount of things that were taking place at the moment.

It was not your fault.

Sannah · Jan 29, 2013, 09:03 AM

You were in that situation with this guy because of how you were raised. The fault lies with the guy, he was in charge of his behavior and the rest of the fault is with your parents because they didn't teach you enough about protecting yourself and demanding respect from others or you leave.

GirlOfManyFaces · Jan 29, 2013, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

You were in that situation with this guy because of how you were raised. The fault lies with the guy, he was in charge of his behavior and the rest of the fault is with your parents because they didn't teach you enough about protecting yourself and demanding respect from others or you leave.

I raised myself to be tough. I stood up to bullies. If others were being bullies I stood up for them. If I was being bullied I handled it without having ask for help.
I've always taught myself to be strong. And if someone was in trouble. I would take their place. My parents taught me nothing. My mum is sensitive and shy. My dad is awkward and self-elevated.
I try to be different.....

I can protect myself if needed. I just didn't think he was a threat. I thought I was safe with him. I just misjudged him...

I could have spoken up. But I didn't want to cause him trouble. To I let it continue. It's my fault he did what he did. And didn't get punished...

Sannah · Jan 30, 2013, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I just didn't think he was a threat. I thought I was safe with him. I just misjudged him...

This is an honest miscalculation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I could have spoken up. But I didn't want to cause him trouble. To I let it continue. It's my fault he did what he did. And didn't get punished...

Sounds like you have learned that your needs come second?

Did he know that you disagreed with his actions?

Harley47 · Jan 30, 2013, 12:44 PM

It is not your fault. You trusted him, and he abused that trust. That is all there is to it, as I see it. You could not have known it would get to this point. He is at fault. Not you.

GirlOfManyFaces · Jan 30, 2013, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

This is an honest miscalculation.

Sounds like you have learned that your needs come second?

Did he know that you disagreed with his actions?

My needs come last. I am determined to make everyone else's life great. Even if I have to suffer.

Yes.

Big Mama · Jan 30, 2013, 11:26 PM

been there dear. That is me. and pay I did.

Sannah · Jan 31, 2013, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

My needs come last. I am determined to make everyone else's life great. Even if I have to suffer.

Do you understand how you developed this?

GirlOfManyFaces · Jan 31, 2013, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you understand how you developed this?

No. I don't know what you mean. It's the right thing to do.

Sannah · Feb 01, 2013, 05:32 PM

It is the unhealthy thing to do. It isn't the right thing to do. No one can continue to sacrifice themselves non stop. It is disrespectful to yourself. It is okay to help people but you can't do it to the point of hurting yourself.

shortandcute · Feb 03, 2013, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Mama

well some of those things are things a T is supposed to do.

Some of those are valid reasons, not that they are bad things, just things that don't click w/ you.

Is your T threw the school or privite. My school T was not one of the best I had. It was better then nothing I guess. If you have not had a lot of visits w/ this T it will be difficult in the begining, it is simply hard work to do T. Sometimes after doing it for a while you get lots more comfortable w/ the whole T thing. It does take a little bit.

You should not give up on T. Sometimes the first T we run across is not the right one, nor is the 2nd or 3rd. But you need to talk to someone about all of this like it or not.

Any ideas on on weather or not you are preg. I think it has been a few days since you first posted this. Sometimes all it takes is a few days for nature to take it's course

.
Keep talking to us and keep us updated. The key is to keep talking about it and find support. Support lessens the long term damage that trauma's do to you. So reguardless let us support you threw this.

Well, blaming the victim of rape is just plain wrong! Especially if you're the victim's therapist.

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