Is not treating your child's ADHD abuse?

My parents refused to treat my ADHD because they don't believe it exists and they believe that any sort of mental illness as embarrassing. My schools were constantly pushing to have me tested and my mom would take me from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, trying to find one that would say I don't have ADHD. I was tested more than 5 times and all of them diagnosed me with it. She halfway tried to treat me when I was ten, but I felt so ashamed for having ADHD I threw up the meds and she never tried to treat it again. I know the emotional aspect of shaming me was abusive, but would you consider denying me treatment on basis of belief to be abusive?

So you are asking this question because you feel abused & want validation or are confused & unsure about this issue?
More questions...how were /are your grades in school? any behavior problems?
Considering you are over 18yrs old, how are you doing now?
How is your relationship with your parents now? Have you discussed with them how you feel & how it has affected you?
Whatever the answer to these questions, talking to a counselor or therapist would be best to help you come to terms with this.

After a life time of struggle I was dx ADHD at age 35 and have been medicated for over 20 yrs. It was a life changer but meds are strictly personal choice.
Moral is, If the symptoms of ADHD still affect you negatively, you & your health care team still have options.

Wish you the best.

I would consider refusing to treat a condition abusive, yes. Though it can be a complicated matter and not everyone will see it the same way. I know someone who refused to treat their kid because the treatments were making his life harder and distressing him, that I wouldn't consider abuse so it does depend on situation.

I guess the more important question is how you feel about it. Do you feel like you were abused, and if so how does that affect you now?

All the best, and I hope you find the answers you need.

Milli

x

I am so very sory you are going through this. Sadly, you are in a situation where your parents are scared of a mental diagnosis and this hinders your treatment. I don't know if one could so far as to say it is abuse though. The courts do not see withholding treatment as child abuse unless it is a life-threatening illness. Would asking your Mom to take you to therapy help? Even if there are no meds given, talking to a T would help. I wish you the best and hang in there.

Luckily, I am nearly 20 and I sought treatment for my ADHD and got a therapist when I was 18. I don't live with my parents year round because I go to college on the other side of the country. I didn't have horrendous grades during high school, but they were never good enough for my mom and they a complete war to come by. As a small child, I had serious behavior issues and social issues at school.

I know that my parents abused me. Instead of treating my ADHD, they attempted to beat me into submission and manipulate me through mental abuse. I grew up feeling completely unwanted by my family and consequently the world. I think my household is by nature cold and unfriendly, but I was the only one of my siblings who was really abused and I'm trying to make peace with that.

I do not have a good relationship with them now. My dad ignores me and my mom is a continual source of negativity in my life. I'm very fearful of them and coming back for summer vacation is an extremely stressful and scary time for me. I would never confront them about this or tell them about my feelings. I tried to do that once and she not only did she not listen, she still mocks me for it.

And I am on meds for it now and they are fantastic. I can't imagine ever trying to live without them.

I believe refusal to treat any medical condition of any kind is abuse. I know now that I have been battling depression and PTSD since at least as young as age 6, although the depression wasn't diagnosed until I was 20, and the PTSD diagnosis came much later. (I think when I was younger, they still thought that condition only applied to combat veterans.) I entered individual counseling when I was 12, but this only served to demonstrate to my family that I must be the "crazy" one among them, because after all, I was the one who saw a shrink. They didn't.

My brother's situation was similar to yours. He would have been diagnosed with ADHD if that diagnosis had existed back then. But when my father suggested getting him into counseling, my mother balked because she didn't want him "facing the stigma." It was OK for me to face it, but not for him. Why? Apparently because I had been sexually abused by someone outside the family, so admitting I was broken was no reflection on her parenting. But if my brother needed counseling too, that would have forced her to admit there might be something wrong *within* the family, and she wouldn't do that. So instead, she tried to deal with his ADHD behavior by what I'll tactfully call harsh corporal punishment. I got some of that too, as she tried to force my depressive/traumatized behavior into something within the realm of normal, but my brother got the brunt of the physical abuse in the family. The abuse I went through was more mental and emotional, as well as the SA plus bullying at school.

Besides not dealing with our psychological conditions, it took school intervention to get our parents to provide glasses for three out of the four of us, and braces on my teeth. I think it all comes under medical neglect, and I don't see a difference between the lack of braces and glasses, or the lack of the counseling and/or medication my brother could have benefited from.

I am so sorry.

You were indeed abused. In more ways than one.