[SeaTree]

Hi everybody. I have been reading some of your posts and it brings back good memories of encouraging people in other places I posted at years ago when I was scared and in an abusive relationship with my little girls. So I wanted to say hi and thank you for being there for people because it really does help! We have not lived with him (my soon-to-be-ex-husband, the abuser) for almost a year and a half now but still struggle with the affects his abusive behavior had on us (except my baby - she was too little to have experienced much of it when we left Hooray!). Any way, I do want to ask if anyone has ANY ideas on what I can do to keep him from having unsupervised visits with my girls. I know "the system" is different everywhere and helps or doesn't help in varying degrees, but I have tried everything I know of and nothing has been done to prevent this very scary thing from happening. I have talked to lawyers, dept. of child services, social workers, the INS (he is not a citizen last I knew), ecclesiastical leaders, police officers, EVERYONE and they have all assured me they understood and they were certain he would not be granted unsupervised visitation based on what he has done, blah blah blah but that is what I am now looking at! I guess because so much time has gone by and he has taken anger management classes and counseling, that is all he needs to do for him to magically cured in the eyes of the law! I know he has not changed at all because he will not even admit to me that he ever did anything wrong and this man did all of the abuses..emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, spiritual, physical..I don't understand how this is happening or why nobody will help me protect my girls. I know for a fact that they are going to suffer if they are left with him for weekends and vacations etc. They are going to be scared and backslide and I do not want them to have to go through that if I can help it. Any ideas I haven't tried? Aside from running out of the country, which I probably ought not to do..My older daughter will have to go back to the apartment where all the abuse happened if she visits him and she will be traumatized! She has been doing so well this past year away from him and it is not fair!! My baby doesn't even know who he is now so she will be scared. I think his lawyer is an idiot for saying that he doesn't buy the argument that a child doesn't know their parent anymore cuz kids get new teachers, doctors, etc. all the time and do just fine. That is what he said. There is a HUGE difference between spending even a whole day with a new teacher in a public environment with lots of other peers and then you can go home to people you do know and being sent with some man to his house for a whole weekend and it's just you and him and you can't go home for days! Hello?? Anyway..thanks for listening

[hillbunnyb]

dear Sea tree, oh, sooooo sorry you have this mess to deal with regarding your children. How horrible. I do not understand the system's priorities at all, The safety of the kids comes first with me, always.

Could you maybe push for a "trial period" where he has to prove the anger management classes actually worked, (and to reintroduce him to the kids) more than on paper? Short and supervised. At least give you more time to figure something else out?????

Can you talk to the kids about everything?
Good luck.

This angers me how some 'people' can get away with it. Pfft, so much for justice...

Is there any way your girls could express how they feel (as in, they don't want to see / are afraid of seeing this 'man') to a judge or something? Maybe this could have some weight? or get child protection services involved?

Sorry, not sure how it works, i just hope it all works out for the best...

[Perna]

I don't know that you can do anything until he scares them again :-( and proves his classes and the year didn't help. As Always says, maybe you can prove to a judge or protective services that it will re-traumatize the children. When you left/got out with the girls, where did you go? Maybe someone there can help by testifying how traumatized the girls were and with their opinion that the girls would be retraumatized. Get more than just you (who are presumed biased) on you all's side, a therapist or another lawyer, etc. It might be a good idea to get a therapist for the girls while they try the revisits so they won't be as traumatized or feel so alone.

[JustAPixie]

(((((((((((( seatree ))))))))))))

I don't have advice... but I'm thinking of you.