Something about triggers on another thread got me thinking about one of my specific problems.
I've had a specific fear my whole life. Fear being naked, especially in front of women.
I remember being forced to be naked. My mother knew I had this fear and exploited every chance she got.
To this day I still sleep in my clothes.
When I was married, after sex, I would get fully dressed and go to bed. I know it was also fear of my house catching on fire and having to run outside.

My mother use to pull my pants down in front of the other mothers or girls in the neighborhood.
My mother took such entertainment pleasure in doing this to me even if I cried.
Those same women would grope me usually under the guise of tucking in my shirt.
It's not a size thing it was my mother giving permission to all the females in my life.

I've struggled with this in so many ways my whole life but is something strange about it now. Something I'm seeing for the first time.

From time to time, I actually feel a strong impulse to take off all my clothes and it feels like a trigger and it scares me beyond words because I'm in public.
I know this sounds crazy but I think I am seeing why.

I think everyone wants to be known as well as we know ourselves and have it be okay.
Mothers tend to know their children as well as they know themselves and love them unconditionally.
This is not true of my relationship with my mother.
My only point of reference for this relational connection is being exposed.
It feels like a desire for acceptance and also a way of screaming...
CAN'T YOU SEE HOW ALONE I AM.

Sometimes I wish I was born female.
I keep hearing my mother say how ugly men are naked.

Any thoughts are welcome.

[0w6c379]

I've read some of your posts and am so sorry that you were subjected to such an abusive childhood. I just want to say that it sounds like your mother had mental problems. She was sick to say that men are ugly. We don't know what kind of life she was subjected to that caused her to think so poorly of men. I am not excusing her behavior in any way. There is no excuse to abuse a child. I'm just putting it out there that your current insecurities are completely understandable. How would any one of us react to such exposure? You kind of sound like you think you're supposed to feel comfortable being naked in front of women. Perhaps it is something to work on but you don't see many people flocking to the nude beaches either do you? We all have a sense that certain things are private and I think that's o.k. normal. You were stripped of your privacy involuntarily. It was cruel. Don't be so hard on yourself now for feeling the way you do.

Unfortunately, your ex T had no compassion or was trying some strange psych technique to help you. IDK. I'm sorry she didn't give you the caring love you needed. Clearly, she left you worse off than before. It is unquestionable that you are an extremely intelligent man and women are very attracted to that quality. Maybe you will pick up more on PC that will help you? I hope so.

[SkinnySoul]

Originally Posted by nothingtolivefor

Mothers tend to know their children as well as they know themselves and love them unconditionally.

This is how it *should* be. In a perfect world, in a parallel universe maybe.
On earth? Nah, lots of exceptions to every rule. I wonder why we even bother making rules.

Your mother has issues, probably a lot more than you do.
What she did to you is abuse to me. Both psychological and physical.

It seems like she really enjoyed seeing how vulnerable you were, how you totally depended on her(as every kid naturally does). It's okay for her to like that, most mothers do.

But when you realize that someone *depends* on you, you have a choice; to either help them or hurt them - to do good or bad.
Your mother made the wrong call, and that's NOT because you were a 'bad boy' or a bad man now, but due to her own issues. And gymnophobia is what you 'inherited' by her.

Gymnophobia is a simulation of the fear of being exploited and hurt by women. Women are viewed as the powerful sex in your unconscious; they can 'pull your pants down'. Therefore, you need to be sure *no-one* sees you naked.
The part where you suddenly want to get naked in public is like the rebellion against your mother's power. "See? I can get naked, I'm not afraid!" It's kinda positive, but I wouldn't recommend actually doing it. Just reflect on it. It's also good that you let your wife see you naked, breaking the pattern for her means she's really important to you.

Oh, and about the wishing you were a woman:
Your mother despises all men("they look ugly naked"), hence the only way to gain her aproval is by being a woman.

Wow, sorry for the long post. I just found your problem intriguing and got carried away a little. I hope I helped somehow.

Best wishes nothingtolivefor, and I hope you will soon prove your nickname wrong.

P.s. Last I checked, naked men looked damn good. Don't let your mothers views get to you.

All I know is that when a mother physically/emotionally/verbally abuses their child, it's bad enough ... But, when they sexually abuse their children ... OMG! ... It's even worse ... It's a horrid, life shattering experience that's extremely difficult to overcome.

I know it's a small consolation, but we are not alone in our experience of being sexually abused by our mothers ... You are a male survivor, I'm a female survivor ... I'm not sure if being a female would have made it any less difficult for you, but I think we both would have fared better in life had we never been molested by our mothers in the first place!

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by SkinnySoul

P.s. Last I checked, naked men looked damn good. Don't let your mothers views get to you.

I totally agree with S_Soul on this.

Other than that I am just so sorry that you were abused by the one person in your life who should have been completely trustworthy.

Originally Posted by Michelle25

You kind of sound like you think you're supposed to feel comfortable being naked in front of women.

Yes. This is true. As though I'm supposed to be indifferent about it.

Originally Posted by SkinnySoul

This is how it *should* be. In a perfect world, in a parallel universe maybe.
On earth? Nah, lots of exceptions to every rule. I wonder why we even bother making rules.

Your mother has issues, probably a lot more than you do.
What she did to you is abuse to me. Both psychological and physical.

It seems like she really enjoyed seeing how vulnerable you were, how you totally depended on her(as every kid naturally does). It's okay for her to like that, most mothers do.

But when you realize that someone *depends* on you, you have a choice; to either help them or hurt them - to do good or bad.
Your mother made the wrong call, and that's NOT because you were a 'bad boy' or a bad man now, but due to her own issues. And gymnophobia is what you 'inherited' by her.

Gymnophobia is a simulation of the fear of being exploited and hurt by women. Women are viewed as the powerful sex in your unconscious; they can 'pull your pants down'. Therefore, you need to be sure *no-one* sees you naked.
The part where you suddenly want to get naked in public is like the rebellion against your mother's power. "See? I can get naked, I'm not afraid!" It's kinda positive, but I wouldn't recommend actually doing it. Just reflect on it. It's also good that you let your wife see you naked, breaking the pattern for her means she's really important to you.

Oh, and about the wishing you were a woman:
Your mother despises all men("they look ugly naked"), hence the only way to gain her aproval is by being a woman.

Wow, sorry for the long post. I just found your problem intriguing and got carried away a little. I hope I helped somehow.

Best wishes nothingtolivefor, and I hope you will soon prove your nickname wrong.

P.s. Last I checked, naked men looked damn good. Don't let your mothers views get to you.

I like what you said about inheriting Gymnophobia. I wonder if I can uninherit it.
Thank for the really positive feedback. Good insights.

Originally Posted by Pfrog

All I know is that when a mother physically/emotionally/verbally abuses their child, it's bad enough ... But, when they sexually abuse their children ... OMG! ... It's even worse ... It's a horrid, life shattering experience that's extremely difficult to overcome.

I know it's a small consolation, but we are not alone in our experience of being sexually abused by our mothers ... You are a male survivor, I'm a female survivor ... I'm not sure if being a female would have made it any less difficult for you, but I think we both would have fared better in life had we never been molested by our mothers in the first place!

My therapist used to stop me from talking about it and say she did the best she could.
Then she would challenge me to confront my mother.
I did and it was disastrous.
The whole family defending her.
I tell my therapist and she responds with, "Well, you knew how she would react."
Unbelievably detached and zero care over my loss.

Originally Posted by growlycat

I totally agree with S_Soul on this.

Other than that I am just so sorry that you were abused by the one person in your life who should have been completely trustworthy.

Thank you Growlycat

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by SkinnySoul

P.s. Last I checked, naked men looked damn good. Don't let your mothers views get to you.

I love naked men. There is nothing better than a naked man. Maybe pizza. *maybe*.

My mom didn't sexually abuse me but she did shame me for being born female. She would mock me for behaving effeminately. She would tell me that if I were a boy society would love me for who I am. But since I am not, I will have to change or be hated. "You should have been a boy" "you're too fat for a girl. Men won't luke you" "your breasts look bad" I used to grow up wishing I were a boy. Sometimes I still do.

Your mom was clearly sick. She did this to you and said this stuff because she was sadistic. It wasn't for any other reason but that. If you were a girl, she would have done this to you too. Maybe in different ways, but just as bad. You are completely not at fault. I'm so sorry she did this to you.

Originally Posted by growlithing

I love naked men. There is nothing better than a naked man. Maybe pizza. *maybe*.

My mom didn't sexually abuse me but she did shame me for being born female. She would mock me for behaving effeminately. She would tell me that if I were a boy society would love me for who I am. But since I am not, I will have to change or be hated. "You should have been a boy" "you're too fat for a girl. Men won't luke you" "your breasts look bad" I used to grow up wishing I were a boy. Sometimes I still do.

Your mom was clearly sick. She did this to you and said this stuff because she was sadistic. It wasn't for any other reason but that. If you were a girl, she would have done this to you too. Maybe in different ways, but just as bad. You are completely not at fault. I'm so sorry she did this to you.

She still to this day displays residual elements of those behaviors.
If you ask her what movies she likes, she'll tell you she loves prison movies where men are being raped.

I feel so sad that your mother said those things to you. I could never imagine saying anything so hurtful to a child.
My daughter is eight and I make sure that she is in constant celebration of who she is. She smiles all the time. She's happy. Smart. Outgoing. Empathetic and kind. She defends her boundaries. I couldn't be more proud.