[medicalfox]

I've been abused physically and mental since I was toddler to when I was 20. I left my parents house in hopes for a better and safer life, but I got manic when I lived alone and was kicked out of my home. My boyfriend was kind enough to provide me with a home in a unfinished basement with a hoarder. The hoarder makes the basement very hard to live in and it's frustrating. I feel like it was foolish to leave my parents home just because I was scared of being hit and yelled at. Maybe being abused isn't so bad as long as I have a clean place to live. I'm thinking about asking to live there again, but I'm not sure since I rely on my boyfriend to help take care of me. I'm going to ask my boyfriend what he thinks in the morning, but I would like some advice from this forum.

Should I accept being abused just to have a clean home? I mean, there are worse things in life, right?

[nicoleflynn]

NO ONE deserves abuse. Can you get into some counseling?

[shirley ann]

personally i would prefer living in a dirty house over an abuse one. but everyone is different, can't you and your bf move to a studio? they are relatively cheap... and you would be more comfortable in your own space. idk if it's because i am going through domestic abuse that i would say to NEVER EVER go back. :/

best of luck making your decision!~

[blueredgrey]

Dear medicalfox,

Sorry for what you've gone through. Home should be a safe haven for people where they'd never be hurt....not the place they dread. Looks like you've never had a place to call home .

No....you should never tolerate abuse. Abuse is not better than anything.

Do your parents still beat you?? If you are still being physically abused and endangered - then maybe your decision to walk out of your home was right.

Generally psychologists ask you to cut off your parents ONLY if parents behave too toxic to be in their kids' lives. But not without ensuring you have an alternative safe place to live. No contact is encouraged only when you have made some progress in therapy in need 'no contact' to either rediscover yourself and rework on relationship with family - or to stop abuse.

If you had to walk out of your family - then I presume the abuse was that bad....and you had your reasons......and it wasn't a rash decision made without thinking of what you will do (i'm sorry if i'm assuming things)

First and foremost - can you mend your relationship with your parents and rent out a space in there and yet maintain some sort of no contact? Maybe you can try writing a letter to them, with lots of expert views on how abuse hurts them? Would they be open for the idea of therapy??

If not, you would need to take up a job somewhere (for a short time) - doesn't matter how big or small - as long as it pays. You need to improve your situation financially and that should be your first priority if you cannot work things with your family.

Do you have a relative or cousin or friend, with whom you can share a room and offer to pay rent??

Can you contact some sort of NGO or Abuse Shelter in your country that helps abused women?

If you've decided to stay away from your family till they mend their ways, then you need to have a plan in mind on how you are going to face the situation. Without a plan, you'd be like a headless chicken - and would be detrimental for your recovery.

Please tell us more about your situation, thoughts and feelings. We are here to help!

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by shirley ann

personally i would prefer living in a dirty house over an abuse one. but everyone is different, can't you and your bf move to a studio? they are relatively cheap... and you would be more comfortable in your own space. idk if it's because i am going through domestic abuse that i would say to NEVER EVER go back. :/

best of luck making your decision!~

Thanks for the idea! I've been looking at studio apartments and a lot of them come with utilities which is great. Do you need credit to get a lease though?

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by copywriter1

Dear medicalfox,

Sorry for what you've gone through. Home should be a safe haven for people where they'd never be hurt....not the place they dread. Looks like you've never had a place to call home .

No....you should never tolerate abuse. Abuse is not better than anything.

Do your parents still beat you?? If you are still being physically abused and endangered - then maybe your decision to walk out of your home was right.

Generally psychologists ask you to cut off your parents ONLY if parents behave too toxic to be in their kids' lives. But not without ensuring you have an alternative safe place to live. No contact is encouraged only when you have made some progress in therapy in need 'no contact' to either rediscover yourself and rework on relationship with family - or to stop abuse.

If you had to walk out of your family - then I presume the abuse was that bad....and you had your reasons......and it wasn't a rash decision made without thinking of what you will do (i'm sorry if i'm assuming things)

First and foremost - can you mend your relationship with your parents and rent out a space in there and yet maintain some sort of no contact? Maybe you can try writing a letter to them, with lots of expert views on how abuse hurts them? Would they be open for the idea of therapy??

If not, you would need to take up a job somewhere (for a short time) - doesn't matter how big or small - as long as it pays. You need to improve your situation financially and that should be your first priority if you cannot work things with your family.

Do you have a relative or cousin or friend, with whom you can share a room and offer to pay rent??

Can you contact some sort of NGO or Abuse Shelter in your country that helps abused women?

If you've decided to stay away from your family till they mend their ways, then you need to have a plan in mind on how you are going to face the situation. Without a plan, you'd be like a headless chicken - and would be detrimental for your recovery.

Please tell us more about your situation, thoughts and feelings. We are here to help!

The majority of my family lives in another country so I'm not very close to them. I tried living with a family member before, but they kicked me out for going manic from my hallucinations. Thank you for the advice though, if I really needed to I could go into a shelter, but they are only temporary sadly.

[blueredgrey]

Sorry you've been thru so much medicalfox. It's really so tough when family lets you down.....if you can't turn to family....who else??

Studio apartment sounds like a great idea. Is living in motel cheap and safe.....you wouldn't have to sign lease...i'm guessing.

Do you have the permit to work or....are you in a position to work? It can be really helpful to work....even if it's really insignificant. It brings money, would develop confidence and you'd have some responsibility to keep you busy everyday....an empty mind is a devil's workshop.

Good luck dear!

[Gr3tta]

Hi medicalfox. I didn't realize where you lived w/ your bf was unclean in this way. I think a studio is a super suggestion! If you have no or a poor credit history, you might need a co-signer. Someone with a good credit history who would sign the lease with you. (They would NOT live there, just be financially liable if you didn't pay) this is very common, and the leasing office could tell you all about it. Often the co-signer is a family member, but it wouldn't have to be, it could be any adult who willattest they have known you the required number of years.
I would absolutely, under NO circumstances return to a home in which I was being hit. Please don't. Its your decision, but it makes my heart ache to think of you living in that kind of fear or numbness and danger.
Small apartments are often very affordable, and give you a safe environment where you can control the cleanliness, who comes and goes, when you come and go, etc. I think this could be ideal!
Good luck!!!