Not sure on how to call this..

hey sweetie, if you want to talk to someone in Dutch (who will not report you to CPS or push you to do anything you don't want to, but just talk to you about your options and support you), you can call Kindertelefoon. The hours are kinda limited, and the people on helplines can be helpful or not-so-helpful, but it's a good thing to try. Call and call and call as often as you need (think of it as one of your survival tools).

Telefoon: 0800-0432 (gratis)

LCasper, you really need to get help. He is just a very sick person using his "disappointment" as an "excuse" for him abusing you. None of it is your fault and no, you didn`t/don`t deserve it. You are not in the wrong he is. I hope you can find the strength to tell some one you can trust. I don`t know if there is any agency that you can turn to in your country, we have an organisation called Childline here. I hope you can get help.

Funny you should mention it--Kindertelefoon is Childline. Actually, it started in the Netherlands.

Cas, I just wanted to add, you can chat with them, too, if that is better for you.

I can't talk about it
I just can't

That's ok. You'll be able to talk about it when your ready.

Ditto what rothfan says. (Safe Hugs) just as long as you know we're all here to support you.

I hate it when someone is suffering.

and you can't do anything. me, too.

Cas, I offer you the hotline knowing full well that I can't talk about things, either. It's a really hard thing, and when I was your age I would have found it even harder than I do now (I've learned and grown a lot since then, and I'm safe now and suffering less than I was then). Please hold on.

I can't really find sleep today. I keep dozing off and waking up
And my stomach hurts idk everything just sucks
and im not sure how to describe it i just feel weird i guess like im floating or something idk

Sorry your having a rough night. Feeling like your floating is your body's way of protecting you. You could try some meditation exercises. They sound a little silly but they do help. I use these to help me sleep. http://www.getsomeheadspace.com

Whne do you worry when you are bleeding like when you go to the bathroom?
It's not that much but its definitely noticable
I feel like crap but i cant really stay home from school, not again

I would be worried if I was bleeding from somewhere that I shouldn't be Your dad sucks.

I would be worried. Is there a school nurse you can go to?
also I thought of you: http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_...?v=8dNDCu3eK_8

Wow, LJasper, this situation must make you feel so Blue.

This must all seem like it goes on and on and never ends, right? I hope one day you find a way out of your own personal nightmare.

Wow, Jasper, the more I read over this thread the more Blue I feel.
This whole situation is just not right - not in any way, shape or form. This can't go on... not year after year like this. It is not healthy (or fair) for anyone to be involved in this kind of thing.
There comes a time when someone has to say enough is enough and put a stop to things like this.

I hope you will see a doctor and also tell someone what is going on. This is terrible.

Dear Cas,

I am so sorry for all the painful things you are going thru.

Sometimes, ongoing abuse can affect you physically, giving you pains you can't explain, lower immunity. It could be something more.

Pls visit a doctor asap.....bleeding, is never good. Would aaa atleast take you to a doctor when you need it urgently???

Dear, if you don't mind me asking you.....where are you standing right now on telling to cps or your brothers or school counselor (provided your school has one)....or your friend's family??

You are not gaining anything by keeping your abuse to yourself. Pls do share with us what's holding you back from talking to people who can help you?

Idk i guess it sounds stupid to everyone. Idk what to say
Other then that I'm tired and i feel like crap and i just want to curl up in bed and not deal with anything esp not people

It doesn't sound stupid. No one thinks any of your reasons are stupid. We've all had our reasons for not getting help when we needed it. But I think a lot of people here would also tell you that they regret not getting that help when they needed it. I know I do. I let my fears and worries win out over getting help. I thought I could keep the abuse to myself and protect my abuser (dad) and my family but that wasn't my burden to carry and it isn't yours either. It doesn't get any easier the longer you keep this to yourself. I know you don't want your dad to get in trouble but if he wasn't doing anything wrong he wouldn't get in trouble. It's not your job to protect him, it's his job to protect you.

Dear Cas,

Pls listen and believe me. It doesn't sound stupid to anyone. It sounds very sad and painful that someone is going thru all this and we all can't do anything more. It makes me angry of what kinda selfish, wretched person your father is.

Laws of nature or "god" says as you sow, so shall you reap. But where is that true in case of child abuse....atleast in 99% of the cases?? Abuser uses children, either to take out their anger or use them for pleasure........99% of children don't talk. Not only do they suffer the painful abuse.....they also suffer the abuse's aftermath. Abuser faces nothing.....unless children talk.

Don't belong to the 99% Cas......be the 1% who stands up for their rights. There are enough ppl who can help you.....unfortunately, none from your family who can help you. Your family is living in delusion. I'm so sorry you are going thru all this.

Like rothfan6 said.....we all survivors of abuse deeply regret not talking to someone about it. None of the reasons like "I don't want to hurt my family", "What will others think", "What will happen to my dad", "What if my home breaks up".....etc...doesn't hold any water. Talking about your abuse is only to protect yourself against your heinous violation.

Your abuse is ongoing. You can put an end to it. I really hope you take that step.

Have you visited a doctor? If not, have you checked your symptoms over the internet??
Get well soon dear.

We're here to help and support you in any way we can.

Jasper, it doesn't sound stupid at all. We have heard it all before on this board - often there are slightly different circumstances, different siblings, different reasons why the person is unable to ask anyone for help, different issues with the mother, or siblings or whatever... but we have definitely heard it all before. Sometimes it is like it is the same act repeating itself all over again!
But it does not sound stupid.
Just like a slightly different version of a sadly all too familiar story.

I used very similar words to talk myself out of getting help and so I will never think that what you say is stupid. Actually it's quite logical. But logic will betray you. Do you watch star treck? You know how Spock sometimes messed up because he was overly logical? It's the same thing. If your too logical in this, you'll get hurt... Badly. Like all of us hav been. But if act a bit more like Kirk and just do it, you have a better chance. In fact you'll have a damn good chance. Go with the unlogical the scary and the unknown and stand up for yourself. In the end it's how you win this war.

idk anything atm
just that it hurts and that im confused and tired and scared and nervous.
Brothers are gone for a week with school and my mother left the house idk why but she left to her sister or something. And appereantly that's my fault as well.
December is just a tough month, for everyone. It's always this month where everything spirals out of control. It will be better again after christmas

brothers left today mom left yesterday so dad can do what he wants
he was busy with work though but when he caame home from work, well everythin hurts again ugh. im sory i cant take any of your advice and just am complaining instead