[beth0226]

I was violently raped orally when I was 16, and when I told my friends they were mad at me because one of them had a crush on the guy. I felt guilty, ashamed, and worthless. I never talked about it for 20 years until 2 years ago I told my therapist about it. We spoke briefly, and I acted like it didn't really affect me that much. But recently I keep thinking about it. I have never stopped feeling guilty, ashamed, and worthless. Could the assault still be causing me so much pain? How can something that happened 22 years ago still be affecting me? I could just be overreacting- I thought I was over this!

Hi ,I don't think you are overreacting at all ,what you went through was extremely distressing and im not surprised its having a negative affect on you if you haven't had proper therapy to deal with it
im so very sorry this happened to you xxxx
I wondered if it would be worth considering some type of rape counselling?
lots of love and hugs Danica xxxx

[the abyss]

i am really sorry that happened to you, no one has the right to abuse another person physically or emotionally.
trauma can come back to haunt us many years on from the actual event. i think it is a good idea to talk this out with a professional. it was not your fault that this happened.
know that someone cares
take care

[blueredgrey]

Dear beth0226,

So sorry that you were raped. But please stop feeling guilty, ashamed and worthless!! Why should you feel that?? If there is anyone who should be feeling that....it's the low-life rapists and your selfish, self-centred *****y pseudo friends.

I can't believe that your friends chose to believe a bunch of good for nothing rapists whom they have never talked to, than their own friend whom they interact on a day to day basis....just because one of them had a crush on one of the rapist.

I think the reason you never managed to talk and instead bury it deep inside your because of the negative reaction of your pseudo friends. Many psychologists believe the initial reaction of the person a survivor of a sex assault talks to can really affect and shape the way they feel about the incident.

Just wondering....why didn't you tell your parents? They could have got the help you needed. Not blaming you....just wondering .

And please don't blame yourself for not "getting over it". Sex assault heals with time....but only when you work with a T to heal. It can't heal on its own.
It's like, when there is a tumor inside our body....it doesn't heal with time. It only heals when you give the right medicine and surgically remove.

Your sex assault incident has been imprinted as a tumor in your mind. Take your time to heal and ultimately you'd be able to throw the incident out of your life and move on!

Request you to check out these articles. I was sexually abused in my teens and some articles really helped me...mebbe it wd help you too -
Your Online Counselor - Articles on Sexual Harassment and Assault

Good luck!!

[nicoleflynn]

I am sorry that happened. There is no time frame for feelings. I was assaulted 50 years ago; that isn't something you get over. THe guilt belongs to the criminal, NOT to you. I would suggest counseling. RAINN is an excellent support for people who have been raped. I have heard excelllent things about it. They key here is to talk about it, write about it and feel ALL of your feelings. When you understand that this terrible crime happen so often, you can know others are suffering the way you are. Perhaps there might be a support group in your area and if not, you could start one.

[beth0226]

Thanks for your support. I think you are right about how my friends reacted affecting me. I felt like it was my fault- I was drunk and I let him walk me home. Instead he just left me on the ground between 2 houses a block from my house. That is also why I didn't tell my parents- now I wish that I had. The assault completely changed my life. I became a different person and I turned to alcohol then drugs. I don't do any of that any more, instead I'm on a bunch of meds. I'm not sure why this has come up again, but I'm feeling horrible about it. I'm really embarrassed to tell my T about it because we did talk about it briefly. She may think that I'm over it. I feel weird bringing it up again.

[blueredgrey]

Dear beth,

Please don't feel embarrassed about ANYTHING. You haven't done anything wrong for you to feel sorry or bad about it.

T are not mind readers....if you feel you need to talk about it....please insist to your T that you want to talk about it.

I would say, if you are in a good relationship with your parents - irrespective of how long ago it happened....you should still tell them. Mind is weird. Sometimes, just talking about lightens your mind....it may help you.

Bring it again and again....till you are not pained by it and can talk about it freely.

Good luck!

PS - I hope those pseudo friends are out of your life for good. If you have their photos...burn it....sometimes that helps too!