[Teddy:)]

( hope this doesnt trigger anyone)
My T got me thinking the other day, she asked me whether I was sexually abused by a particular family member, I quickly responded with a no, but now I am not too sure, when I think back to my childhood/adolescents I can remember physical and emotional abuse occurring, there was also domestic violence,but my understanding of sexual abuse seems confused

I can remember
- being hugged so tightly that i could feel every part of him on me, to the point of where it hurt and it feeling uncomfortable, I felt there was no reason for him to hug me
- he use to tickling me all over even though I said to stop
- he would squeeze past me rubbing himself up against me
- him smacking my butt
- sitting me on his knee and bouncing up and down
- he would where these tiny shorts that revealed everything and he would sit on the lounge opposite me with his leg up, so I could see his privates

I no longer have any contact with him, but even when this stuff was happening and I felt uncomfortable I seemed to continue to idolise him and I don't know why.

I don't know whether this is abuse or not, my understanding is that is was something that he just did and it became normal too me but I am starting to wonder whether it is normal, I am so confused

[the abyss]

perhaps it is best not to focus on the ' ifs' ' buts ' and ' maybes '. therapists have a knack of doing this. lots of things happen in life, if you are comfortable in your mind about it ,then why think about it, that is my opinion.
we do not have to unravel every piece of string to find what is inside.
deal with what you need to.
take care

it sounds like sexual harassment at least
the important q is if it still bothers you though i guess.
I suppose it does, since you posted here.
Perhaps you should write down the list you made and read it to your t or show it

[blueredgrey]

Dear Teddy,

Considering the person is no longer in your life - if you felt something inappropriate then.....then maybe it was inappropriate.

When I was arnd 12, my dad had come home after a long time of office duty. It was not unusual for him to hug and kiss. He was lying down and he hugged me. My mom was in the same room watching us. She didn't see anything inappropriate. Yet, I felt something very unusual and inappropriate about that hug - different from other hugs. I excused myself and ran to the kitchen. Within 3 months or so of that incident - he started molesting me.

So in your gut feeling, if you felt something was sexual about his conduct - it probably was. Since that person is not there in your life, any assumptions will not hurt anyone.

Work with your therapist. Good luck!!