My name is Jon, and I'm an abuse survivor

Hi, after feeling much love and strength from my introduction threat I thought I should head on over and see what to do next.

As of last night I finally found the strength break from 3 years of verbal, emotional, physical, and financial abuse from my ex.

Last night during one of her typical abusive episodes, carried out over FaceTime on our phones, I flat out refused to give in to her manipulation and stood up to her. She tried to get her way eventually by saying she was going to kill herself and showed me the knife she was going to do it with. At this point I immediately called the police department and they sent police and EMS to her apartment and took her to the hospital for overnight observation.

Needless to say when we spoke this morning she was FURIOUS. However, this time I simply hung up on her and told her I wouldn't be her victim anymore until she retreated.

I don't know what the future holds. I still care a great deal for her and genuinely want her to get help. She is herself a victim of abuse from her childhood, and still hasn't come to terms with how that is manifesting itself today.

I will continue to support her and be there for her when she needs it, but I have made it abundantly clear to her that if she starts abusing me again I will not hesitate to hang up the phone, block her number, and shut her out.

We will see what the future holds, but at least for now it feels like I've regained just a bit of my dignity.

Congratulations! I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. You can be sure your girlfriend will try to get back into your life, as an abuser has only one agenda: Control. Of course she was furious; she found out she couldn't manipulate you....emotional blackmail.

Exactly....when you hear abuse, hang up, walk away. I am so proud of you.

My recent ex never physically acted out toward me, but he had a distinct pattern of gaining control. First, anger. When I stopped responding, second came being fake nice and some times just sickening sweet, if I failed to respond in kind, third was tears. When I figured out the pattern and was able to watch him logically, detaching in the moment from emotion, he appeared to be less powerful than I perceived so I think I know what you mean when you mention regaining your dignity. He went to rehab for alcohol. He will get out the day after Thanksgiving. Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'Black Friday'. He will contact me soon. He still has things at my home. I have no one to help me get his heavy crap out. So......my plan is to not emotionally engage and observe and respond logically. I have found when I respond emotionally to him, I get sucked back in to it all. I have to limit my contact, make it quick, and his behavior is not my responsibility. Then, I will call my best friend.....discuss it, then feel it later. I can't do that kind of thing often, but I have found it us helping me to not stay in the chaos. Good luck in finding strength.

"You're maudlin and full of self-pity. You're magnificent!" Addison DeWitt

thank you nicole for your kind words.

Does that book deal at all with men who being abused by women? Any kind of abuse towards men is usually given very little, if any attention, and my concern is that this may be more of the same. All of the reviews on Amazon were written by women.

Does anybody know of any books that are specifically about or for men who are abused?

Hi Jon,

I too am I survivor. Patricia's book is great. It does help. I found a guy named Richard Skeritt who is also a survivor, he wrote a bunch of books that are really good as well. I have been astonished of how many men deal with this topic as well.

It is an ugly cycle, and you are still in the beginning. Hang on, you are in for a ride!

The more you read and talk to others the stronger you will be. The abusers do follow
a pattern and they are capable of such ugliness that you need to expect the worst. The level of manipulation and deception that they are willing to go will astonish you.

Also be ready for people to not believe in you. Not many understand, they will not be able to wrap their heads around this. Without broken bones most people do not believe in abuse.

I lost my home, my community, almost all my old friends, and my teenage sons will not speak to me. He also hired "hackers" to invade my communications for 6 months. I lost my 794 credit score(now 525), And identity was stolen.

But I feel better today than I have in so many years. I was married for 20 years to him.

He didn't get me

Be strong

Hi again Jon,

I found this other site called lovefraud. I was not on there long, but there seemed to be a bunch of men. You are not alone my friend.

This entire ordeal hurts like a *****.
Be strong.