[AngstyLady]

Ok, so, I don't like to talk about it- but I have a post here a few months back about how my most recent ex raped me. I was stupid enough to get together with him and have a few drinks and let him up into my apartment and well, you can read the rest. So now, he's been coming in to my place of work on occasion (I work retail) and I have been civil. The last time I had a coworker cover my station because I just REALLY did not want to have to deal with hi. So I was hiding out in the office, waiting for him to leave- my manager at the time, thankfully was understanding. He kept hanging out for so long that today when I saw him- I decided to just ring him up. He was all friendly and said that I ran away or something last time he was there- I played dumb. He asked if I wanted to get together for lunch on Christmas day (WTF? I already told him I want nothing to do with him- he doesn't understand what he did to me- he blames being drunk) I shook my head no and barely acknowledged him and quickly rang him up- He said for me to text him. I ignored him and looked on to the next customer. I was very tempted to text him to **** off. Funny thing- I was already thinking this earlier in the day, reminiscing about the last time he had come in- and then here he is again. Albeit he in infrequent with his stops in, but it's apparently obvious that he doesn't need what he gets for his place of work, he's clearly just ****ing semi stalking me. He's such a clueless misogynistic pig hiding behind his rosary beads and his bible! ARGH!!

[transient]

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. The person who did something similar to me hid behind his religion and made a lot of "god is good" statements on fb after that. It's really disgusting.

Does your manager know he's dangerous to you? Is there someone you can ask to take your place when he comes in so you can go to the office to hide, or have stand next to you while he's there so you feel safer?
Do you think that if you told him how you felt about what he did anything would change?
I have no idea about how to get restraining orders, but maybe you could look into it? I hope you stay safe x

Don't let this criminal cause you to get fired ... And trust me, if it's between you and your company's bottom line, you will be out of a job.

Quit sending your rapist mixed messages.

Quit being civil to him ... He's less than an animal and doesn't deserve civility - ESPECIALLY FROM HIS VICTIM (YOU)!!!

Take out a restraining order.

These kinds of people often end up killing their prey ... Don't be the next statistic!

[nicoleflynn]

Exactly. NO CONTACT......is there a reason why you didn't press charges for rape?

[AngstyLady]

Originally Posted by transient

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. The person who did something similar to me hid behind his religion and made a lot of "god is good" statements on fb after that. It's really disgusting.

Does your manager know he's dangerous to you? Is there someone you can ask to take your place when he comes in so you can go to the office to hide, or have stand next to you while he's there so you feel safer?
Do you think that if you told him how you felt about what he did anything would change?
I have no idea about how to get restraining orders, but maybe you could look into it? I hope you stay safe x

Thanks for the support- I don't want to delve into it with my coworkers- though they doknow things didn't end on a good note. I tried telling him that what he did was messed up (to say the least) but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. he's relentless, but I don't think dangerous- If anything, my new guy friend can help me out if it comes to that- but I don't want to drag him into it- I think he'll eventually stop bugging me once he gets it through his thick skull.

Why didn't you call the police and have him arrested for raping you? You deserve justice in this situation. Just because you had drinks with the guy and had him at your apartment doesn't give him the right to rape you!!! I'm very sorry that you went through this but you need not be ashamed and you need to make sure this guy is punished for his crime! And don't think that you have to be civil to this guy because you don't. You owe him nothing! I bet he comes into your work just to test the waters with you to see how you'll react. Get yourself a restraining order so that he can't come near you. If he does then you can have him arrested. You said you didn't see him as dangerous.....raping you is dangerous! If the guy will do that to you then he will do anything! Please don't allow him to get away with this crime.

[AngstyLady]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Exactly. NO CONTACT......is there a reason why you didn't press charges for rape?

Eh, read my original post, I don't wanna go into it again right now.

[AngstyLady]

Originally Posted by Cracking Slowly

Why didn't you call the police and have him arrested for raping you? You deserve justice in this situation. Just because you had drinks with the guy and had him at your apartment doesn't give him the right to rape you!!! I'm very sorry that you went through this but you need not be ashamed and you need to make sure this guy is punished for his crime! And don't think that you have to be civil to this guy because you don't. You owe him nothing! I bet he comes into your work just to test the waters with you to see how you'll react. Get yourself a restraining order so that he can't come near you. If he does then you can have him arrested. You said you didn't see him as dangerous.....raping you is dangerous! If the guy will do that to you then he will do anything! Please don't allow him to get away with this crime.

Again, that sounds nice and all, but I don't have the time or money for the legal system. I'd rather sweep it under the rug- he knows what he did- I'll get over it . . . I won't let it happen again (by anyone) . . .

[livelovelearn1986]

A restraining order will get it through his head.
1. You are minimizing his actions and saying he isn't dangerous. What part of rape isn't dangerous?
2. You are uncomfortable enough to post on here.
3. You will spend no more than a hour or so in court...and will be free from his stalking. What is bad about that?


Live Love Learn

[livelovelearn1986]

Oh...and restraining orders are FREE to file...you usually only go to court once for a hour or so...your time in front of the judge will probably be not even 15 minutes.

Do yourself a favor...stop by the police station and simply ask what you would need to do to get one.

Live Love Learn

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by livelovelearn1986

Oh...and restraining orders are FREE to file...you usually only go to court once for a hour or so...your time in front of the judge will probably be not even 15 minutes.

Do yourself a favor...stop by the police station and simply ask what you would need to do to get one.

Live Love Learn

Mine involved hours in court. Go back in two Weeks, wait hours, 3-4, & pray judge don't toss on he said/she said and perhaps a lawyer standing with. Then return in one year, if extension granted. Third time was a charm, but his having a criminal case pending helped.

Then again, I've known of one where it was simple to extend, but she nulled it, herself...

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[nicoleflynn]

People who are raped do not get over it; with counseling they are helped to some degree. You have no way of knowing if this will happen again. None of us can predict if terrible things will happen to us. If he did it to you he will probably do it again.....to you...or someone else. He committed a crime and now he will be free to do it again. If he stole from you, would you report that? By sweeping it under the rug you are giving him the message that raping you was ok. Rapists usually do not rape one time; they continue.

[A Red Panda]

I think getting a restraining order is perfectly reasonable for the behaviour he is showing. You even have witnesses about the fact that you are very uncomfortable over the fact that he keeps showing up at your job to talk to you.

It's at least worth checking into, even if it does involve some time. If nothing else.... it might make it a bit more clear to him that he is NOT welcome near you. Even if the restraining order is denied for some reason, he'll have been made aware of the fact that you really DON'T want him near you no matter what he tries to tell himself.

[too SHy]

I still find it impossible to be more than marginally civil to my ex, and then only for the sake of the children. I know how you feel, but you are treading on very dangerous ground. Get the restraining order, I finally did. Once a rapist, always a rapist.

[AngstyLady]

Thanks for all your kind words!
I'm pretty sure bad joojoo is heading his way soon . . . .

[AngstyLady]

Ok, so my ex came into my place of work all smiley and wishing my Merry Christmas today- I straight up scowled and ignored him- he wasn't even in line.
I then check my phone and I had a text from him saying he 'just wanted to wish me a
merry' (literally those were his words, he didn't use a complete sentence)
Anyway, so I text him back: Leave me alone, my friends want me to report you (i.e. for the rape) and file a restraining order against you. Maybe I should?
He since then hasn't texted me back
I know what you are going to say, hey, why don't you change your number- I already did that with the ex from before - and he has finally left me alone, (aside from a rare email here and there) so I don't really want to have to do it again. As I said, my friends and I are sending him bad joo joo (bad luck, etc) his way- especially if I tell my new boyfriend- no- he's not going to beat him up . .. we both just believe in the power of karma and collective thought.