[sweepy62]

I have a history of csa since age 7 to age 12 that I remember , I dont remember any ages prior to that. Im doing trauma work for a couple of months now. My biggest illogical trigger since I can remember is new years eve, .

2 or 3 days before I start getting the frenzies, here are my symptoms:
Anxiety, fear, wanting to hide, someone is approaching, wanting to cry, nauseus, pain in places I cannot mention, a sense o heavyness on me, guilt. And not safe.

I went to see my t today and ii told her, because I couldnt hold it in anymore, she told me its most likly something from my past, but all I can remember is my parents use to give me alcohol and send me to bed, I was not allowed to stay up on new years eve.

she created a safety plan for me, my t will call me on new years eve and she set up the crisis center to call me the day before until the 1st of jan. She also told me she wished she was trained in emdr.

this fear is so illogical

[krisakira]

I just want to let you know that I read both your posts about this, and that I am listening. I have a csa past also, and I actually did not remember much about it until a few months ago. But there was always a memory that *something* happened in the bathroom. That someone was looking at me. Anyway, I hope you have success with working on your trauma. EMDR might help, but it did not work well for me. I wonder if your T can temporarily send you to someone who does specialize in EMDR. The fear might feel illogical right now, but it is not. You are reacting to something that happened. The reaction is normal. Giving you alcohol at such a young age is abusive in itself, but whatever happened afterward is bothering you today and I hope you can work through that.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by krisakira

I just want to let you know that I read both your posts about this, and that I am listening. I have a csa past also, and I actually did not remember much about it until a few months ago. But there was always a memory that *something* happened in the bathroom. That someone was looking at me. Anyway, I hope you have success with working on your trauma. EMDR might help, but it did not work well for me. I wonder if your T can temporarily send you to someone who does specialize in EMDR. The fear might feel illogical right now, but it is not. You are reacting to something that happened. The reaction is normal. Giving you alcohol at such a young age is abusive in itself, but whatever happened afterward is bothering you today and I hope you can work through that.

thank you so very much for responding, she told me sine I have multiple traumas and im still working on connecting my emotions and feelings together, it probably wouldnt work, she just doesnt want to seeme in all this pain.