[krisakira]

I am having a really hard time dealing with my sexual violations of my past... It is overwhelming me...

When I was in 2nd grade this boy in my school sat behind me when we had assigned spots to sit on the floor, and he would pull down the back of my pants to see my underwear... I don't know if it counts as sexual harassment or whatever since it was done by someone so young but I felt really violated and disturbed and embarrassed.

When I was 10, I was molested by my uncle, when I went to the bathroom one night that I spent the night at his and my aunt's house... he pulled me off the toilet and held me to him and lifted my shirt and looked at my parts and touched them...

When I was 17 my boyfriend at the time forced me to give him hand jobs and when I was 20 another boyfriend violently assaulted me by wrestling me to the floor and ripping my pants off and looked at me, while I was trying to fight him back and telling him to stop.

I was raped when I was 21 by an acquaintance I met at the psych ward a few months prior to the rape. I told him I did not want to go all the way but he held me down and did it anyway.

I am just realizing that I have such a horrible sexual past and I feel so ashamed that I never told anyone about these things to get them in trouble for what they did to me. It is just really bothering me tonight and I told my husband but there is really nothing anyone can do to make these things go away and not have happened. I plan on telling all this to my T tomorrow, wish me luck. I am so nervous to share all of this.

[mazing]

It is always hard to disclose abuse but it often makes things better - letting the secrets out. Hindsight is always a great thing but try not to be too hard on yourself. You did what you thought was best at the time. You never should have gone through any of this.

The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself now. As hard as it is, talking to your T is probably a good step. They can help you work through it.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you went through all that. No one should have to experience that. I hope telling brings you some peace. It did for me. Good luck.

[nicoleflynn]

One thing you might do is write a letter to the abusers....it is called, "Restorative Justice"--restorative justice says....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. You might want to mention this to your t. I think it is empowering. Hugs, Nicole

P.S Try to put the shame where it belongs (not on YOU), but on the abusers...the shame belongs to THEM.

[Switch]

I'm proud of you for facing this. Good luck at T.