[Koojriu]

ok, lets paint a nice pretty picture for you, cute larger teen has abusive mother with PTSD (not why shes abusive, she just is.) HER dad abused her and so on and so forth. Well, one day sad teen meets wild inuit man, he's see some **** to. (NOOOOT describing it) the two fall madly in love and have a baby together. Enter me
Well things didn't go so well and baby gets sent to foster care for her fathers a druggy and her mother's losing her ****. Soon, abusive grammy "saves" baby. Baby grows up, young woman leaves eventually to find her dad, who's still a druggy. Each party consently bashes one another, calling the others horrible! And minipulative, and abusive. so young womans very confussed and has NO TRUST in herself or others. Granny wanted to live her life when (ok enough of this way of speaking) my mom had me, but no, no it didn't go that way, then I get rpd by my abusive ex because I couldn't tell the differance anymore or feel any of my body. Soooooooooooooooo

NOW How am I? Paying for THEIR mistakes? the reprocussions it caused, the way everyone looks at me when I tell them I'm trying, and they see me doing "nothing" how I can't even seem to have a healthy relationship without the guy needing a break! Missing school because I have no parents pretty damn much, so who do I go to when I'm sad? Even my own mother wont reply to me (she lives in another city) when I need her comfort. How did I just get chucked aside and wind up in hospitals because I want to die or make it stop, and why am I never taken seriouly?! Honestly I don't want this life anymore I want to be someone else but I can't. I can't erase my memories no matter how hard I try, I think through EVERYTHING. So yeah whine whine whine why me? But no seriously I'm angery how could my so called "family" do this to me? Make me this sad scared and scard little child on the inside no matter how hard I try to be a regular functioning adult :/ But no, its fine no appologies, no recognition that I was destroyed by those who were supposed to build me up into being a human being!

I'M SORRY I'M JUST SO MAD! And sad.......................

[Classique143]

My cousin is going through similar feelings regarding her abusive druggie crazy religious parents. She's working on not allowing them to dictate her value. Their opinion and thoughts have no control over her worth. Whether they are apologetic or not is not her problem. Her problem is to look herself in the mirror and tell herself it doesn't matter what happened to her, it doesn't matter what they've said, she carries no scarlet letter, she is awesome, intelligent, beautiful, caring, loving, she is all the things they were not and therefore on a whole separate level that they can never touch upon. She needs no one to validate her feelings. She needs no one to validate her trauma. She doesn't want to make room in her life for people unworthy of her company. She has no room in her life for those who cannot take responsibility. She controls her day, each day. She controls her validity. She controls her worth. Maybe these thoughts can help you.

[Turtleboy]

im very sorry you are going through all of this, neglect from a parent really sucks

[allme]

Sorry for all your pain, I hope you soon find peace.

[A Red Panda]

I'm sorry that you went through all of that, and that you're really struggling now because of it. I'm sorry that you don't have a family, or anyone who you feel you can rely on. You'll never recieve an apology or recognition from them though - unless maybe they're on their deathbed. Abusive people don't acknowledge that they're abusive, and they certainly don't apologize for their behaviour.

You can become a fully functional adult though! It'll take a bit of extra work, but you can definitely achieve it! With time, you could even achieve a "normal" life!

Do you talk with a councellor? If not, contact the hospital's mental health department and ask for an appointment. They might be able to help, any might know some other resources in the community that might be able to help you (even if it's just helping you find other women who have been abused. Sometimes having someone else around who gets it can help a lot).

[Fuzzybear]

[Koojriu]

Thanks so much everyone! I really didn't expect so much support so this is a very nice suprise

[nicoleflynn]

No body can destroy you. You are still here! Hugs! Don't let anyone steal your joy. Make yur life what YOU want it to be.

[punkybrewster6k]

A thought that helps me get through these same feelings:

Youre life is yours. No one elses. Do not dwell on the past or make yourself a victim of someone elses mistakes. This is your life. Change the abuse and disfunction and addiction that has plagued your family for generations. YOU will be the one to break the cycle!
(((hugs)))

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