Emotions evolved into something worse?

GirlOfManyFaces · Feb 05, 2014, 01:21 AM

I was abused and r*p*d a little over a year ago (when I was just barely 14). And at first I was haunted by it. I was sad, guilty, scared, accepting, angry. And now all of these emotions have just changed into heartlessness. I use to say hinges like "I wish you were dead" but now I can say "I'll kill you" and not even blink. I'm afraid that I could hurt somebody and not even care. I have a very violent mind, but usually I'm just violent towards myself. I've never purposely hurt anyone but myself. Is it normal? I don't want to turn into a psychopath like on tv. I know I'm crazy but I don't want everyone else to know that. I'm really scared and alone and I don't know what to do.

HazelGirl · Feb 05, 2014, 01:24 AM

You can't turn into a psychopath. You're born with it.

You are dealing with symptoms of PTSD, most likely. Can you see a therapist who can help you?

ResaLock · Feb 05, 2014, 02:34 AM

I am sorry to hear what happened to you. To want to kill a violator like this is quite normal. I am asking the same as Hazel did..." Are you talking to anyone about this?"

If not...my suggestions are. NOT to just go to any therapist. Don't seek out a PTSD specialist. What you seek out is someone there for rape victims and child advocacy. Because the better therapist for this particular thing will more likely to be used of more importance.

I was a victim of r*p* when I was 14 by a stranger and kidnapped.

I was alone, never heard of these things, and had no support. I had to deal with it alone.

...but I can hear you ARE NOT heartless. ...by your words you are saying, "I'm afraid that I could hurt somebody and not even care."
---That just shows you have a big heart and do care.

The thing is...your split in half with your attacker. Because you are you, and your attacker is NOT!!! Its the reasoning of your mind. Still battling off your attacker. Still fighting with them.

Your violent thoughts are fighting for your soul. This is exactly what is happening.
I noticed you used the word accepting. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT IT! You do not have to fight it either.

Hurting yourself comes from an echo of someone else hurting you. Your violence in your mind IS NOT YOURS!!!
Tell IT ...IT is dead! You have no power over me...

THEN TREAT YOU HOW YOU WOULD TREAT A BEST FRIEND!!! What would you tell your best friend? How would you treat your best friend? How would you comfort your best friend?

nicoleflynn · Feb 05, 2014, 07:42 AM

Can you talk to a school counselor? You definetly need help with what happened to you. Just horrific. ALL of your feelings are normal. I have heard good things about RAINN (support group), and I hope you will get some professional help. This won't go away and will continue to affect you, that is why you need someone to help you. Let us know. Hugs, Nicole

Rzay4 · Feb 05, 2014, 03:31 PM

I agree with all the above are you talking to someone?

Do you have a good support system?

GirlOfManyFaces · Feb 06, 2014, 12:55 AM

I can't see a T and my school doesn't have a consular or anything like it. (Small Christian school)

HazelGirl · Feb 06, 2014, 01:25 AM

Your church might have a free or reduced cost counseling service. Can you tell your parents? They could help you, too.

GirlOfManyFaces · Feb 06, 2014, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Your church might have a free or reduced cost counseling service. Can you tell your parents? They could help you, too.

We don't go to church. My dad is the devil to say the least.(he is the main person I'm worried I might actually do something to)
And my mom can't handle any extra stress or costs.

HazelGirl · Feb 06, 2014, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

We don't go to church. My dad is the devil to say the least.(he is the main person I'm worried I might actually do something to)
And my mom can't handle any extra stress or costs.

If you are being abused at home, you can contact CPS. Can you do that?

ResaLock · Feb 06, 2014, 06:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I can't see a T and my school doesn't have a consular or anything like it. (Small Christian school)

I grew up in a small christian school half my life. So I do understand. I would look up on line specified under CHILD r*p*. ..or child abuse.

Not under PTSD because the range is to wide. ..and to many counselors for PTSD specialist are not that specialized. ...older Docs...may go to a session for PTSD and that is it. They are old schooled. Many of them are carrying the name of PTSD/TRAUMA specialist. ...only because they went to a class.

You should do it now...and DO NOT let time go by since you are young... because the better counselors are for the children. When you get to the adults...it will be more scarce to find support.

Specify your search for more recognized sites under child abuse/child r*p*...

Do not direct your search under psychology, or trauma, PTSD or other...

The better counselors are under CHILD... I can understand why that has to be.
Until you are 18 you fall under that. ...I am going to say it again...get in this circle NOW... because it is going to be harder when you're 18.

Tell them your situation...and the problems of why you cannot get therapy.
...that you need help...

nicoleflynn · Feb 06, 2014, 07:02 AM

:You can contact RAINN; they should be able to help.

IzzyMeadows · Feb 06, 2014, 01:31 PM

1. You are absolutely not crazy. Those feelings are very normal. 2. If you go to a church and explain to them they might be able to help. DHHR has a lot of help for people getting counseling. There are probably specific groups for rape victims. I understand not being allowed to get help when I needed it. You can message me if you ever need to talk.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

ResaLock · Feb 07, 2014, 04:14 PM

ok I think I am going crazy... I looked up a sight to contact someone following my own advice to get info and to find someone you can contact. So I looked up on line following my suggestions. I found RAINN. As I called them today. I came here to post them on this thread... and when I came over here. I saw nicoleflynn posted you can contact RAINN.
I started to post and saw that... and I was going to click,"thanks" on nicoleflynns post and reply and say I just contacted them today. ...and saw "Thanks" is already clicked by me.

Am I losing my mind? What just happened??? This is going to mess with my head for the rest of the night.

nicoleflynn · Feb 07, 2014, 04:36 PM

Resalock: You are NOT "damaged goods." No one is; we are all human and have hurts and troubles. Everyone does. Hugs

Nicole

Quote:

Originally Posted by ResaLock

ok I think I am going crazy... I looked up a sight to contact someone following my own advice to get info and to find someone you can contact. So I looked up on line following my suggestions. I found RAINN. As I called them today. I came here to post them on this thread... and when I came over here. I saw nicoleflynn posted you can contact RAINN.
I started to post and saw that... and I was going to click,"thanks" on nicoleflynns post and reply and say I just contacted them today. ...and saw "Thanks" is already clicked by me.

Am I losing my mind? What just happened??? This is going to mess with my head for the rest of the night.

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