[solitude_is_bliss]

I apologize if this is the wrong forum.. I don't mean to offend anyone if it is.

My mother says hurtful things often so I try my best not to be around her. When I am, all she ever does is belittle me and my sister, lie, and complain about my father. My parents had been married for 15+ years before an abrupt and traumatic divorce. My father was physically abusive to both me and my mother, but never touched my younger sister. He has maimed multiple pets of mine and run the family into serious debt. We moved to 3 states over the course of one year. I grew up in Arizona, we lived in New York briefly, soon moved down to Florida, and now I am back here in Arizona. My mother was not present. Mind you, I never had a strong relationship with her growing up prior to the divorce and rarely saw her except the weekends (she had a full-time job).

Now, 2013 almost 2014, and I've been in this situation for 3 years... but I wish I wasn't here at all. We get into physical altercations often and I still have scars to prove it. She degrades me whenever and wherever she can. Friend over? Let's ask her about some teeth-cleaning tips (I don't have the best teeth in the world..) Boyfriend? Have him take a drug test. In public? Yell at me, mock me, telling everyone I have a low-IQ and apologizing for my mistakes. At home its no better. There has never been one day where she isn't A) trying to guilt-trip me for wanting to be with my father B) yelling at me for petty reasons and blaming me for the divorce or C) obnoxious praying for "forgiveness"

Time and time she has promised to correct her actions but it has been a repeated cycle.
>I accidentally say or do something to irritate her
>She throws a tantrum; literally kicking her feet, jumping up and down, slamming things around (she's broken a laptop, tablet, and the lightswitch), and screaming.
>I go to my room and close the door or attempt to leave
>She corners me into the hallway/bathroom
>Begins to scream insults at me, occasionally throwing things at me
>(We may get into an altercation and then she leaves. And sometimes I try to ignore her)
>If I ignore her, she will say something waaay out of line, realize what she's done, and leave until late at night.
>Returns with some bull** about love and forgiveness, and apologizes to me.

I used to hug her. I used to kiss her. I used to tell her I loved her. But after three years of this crap? I can't do it anymore.. and its coming to a point I don't even want to be around her. Its not like she is making an improvement in her behavior either; the tantrums only get worst and the insults are heavier.

Two months ago she pulled me aside and told me she wasn't going to pay for my college tuition. She said she didn't believe I could graduate and my artwork was mediocre at best. She was, however, willing to put my sister through culinary arts college as it had a more promising future. She even had me do an IEP. The school did not approve of it, she FORCED the lady to give me the test. Not only did it ruin much of my social life (the Special Ed room where I went for testing is located in the middle of the campus, and everyone believes that I am special) in which I passed all three tests and yet she still claims I have a low IQ and insults me because of it.

I do not have any immediate relatives I can turn to and my friends think I'm special and refuse to be seen with me. It gets so hard sometimes and I want to quit I want to leave but I just can't live with my father

[solitude_is_bliss]

My mother told me she doesn't love me. She doesn't want me. She wants to drop me off at the airport with a one-way ticket to Hell. She told me she believed I was the devil and she rebukes his spirit. (While looking me dead in the eye: "Devil, I'm looking at you and I rebuke you from this house. I don't want you around me. Devil, Devil get away from me! Take your things and go! I rebuke this evil spirit from me, LEAVE!" I now know she truly doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me here.

It's amazing. It really is. A few weeks before Christmas and my mother tells me she doesn't love me. She believes I want to live with my father and says "Ya' know what? When he knocks you upside the f*in head and bloody's your eye don't come crawling back to me you a*! Stay with him and his cheating w* of a wife!" "Down in Urugay they let men beat their wives up and down the street and no one will help you! He'll kill you dead and you don't give two s* about me so why should I give two s* about you!? Go on down there with him!"

I don't want to live with my father.
I don't want to live with my mother.
I have nowhere to go.

I wish I had recorded the things she says for all of you to hear. I will try next time.

[Purple Heart]

(((solitude is bliss)))

I'm sorry to hear what your going through. Your mother seems narcissistic! You seem to be going through hell. How old are you? Are you a teeanager or adult? If your a teenager go to your child guidance officer at school. If an adult find a place that can help you get out. Your mum seems toxic and incredibly cruel towards you. Feel free to drop me a line.

[solitude_is_bliss]

i am crying its hard to see the keubroad this is from a few days ago i sent this to my dad a few im sorry

Mom doesn't love me. She told me.
She spent 2 hours calling me the Devil's seed, telling me why you left, calling me and Elise B****es (Yes, she used that word)
She told me she had "run out of love for me" and couldn't handle us anymore
If we wanted anything, we would have to get it from you.
I told her I had recorded her and "magically" she needed to use my phone
She took it to LA and had some jerk unlock it there. How do I know?
Around the 26th the Lost App said the last known location was Los Angeles.
It read Lancaster and Palmdale zipcodes without difficulty, so why did it say Los Angeles?
I didn't take it there.
I should be amazed you never mentioned it.
And magically its on UPS, going to you.

She continues on her rampages and lies to the doctors
She tells them I like to stay in my room,
she never says why.
She tells them I cry alot,
she never says why.
She tells them I prefer animals to people,
she never says why.
And she knows the reasoning behind it, she just wont tell anyone because CPS may get involved and she can risk loosing her job.
So yes, every "therapeutic" visit was built on lies.
"Why do you like to stay in your room Corinne?" "Your mother tells me you cry in your sleep, why?" "Are animals easier to get along with?'" "Is it hard for you to make friends?" "Your mother tells me you draw really good! Can I see some of the pictures?"

I have 121 friends as of today. Roughly 20 from AVCS, around 30-40 from Pete Knight, and only 14 from Delaware. The others I have met in random places (ie, bus, park, parties, ect.).
Mom has seen and knows of very few of my friends because she has me paranoid on who to bring.
A majority of my friends a) have a warrant, b) are on probation, c) went to Challenger, and/or d) have a parent/relative/know someone on probation.
Mom is always telling me that her job is dangerous, which I respect, but how am I supposed to bring my hood-rat friends to a cop's house?
Tell me, what is the solution there. If they are not supposed to see her, how can she possibly know?
Of course, my AVCS friends would love to hang out. They've invited me several times to the Starlight Extravaganza and Quarter-A-Dip's.
Mom always makes a big deal of not having and money so I don't tell her and we don't go.
What right does she have to judge me?

Oh, did you know I may be getting home visits now? Brilliant boost to my self confidence. A+

She tricks me into leaving the house.
She told me we were going to get groceries,
instead we went to Kaiser.
She's done it on several occasions and I cannot trust her.
That is why I choose to stay at home and only leave with my friends.

Saturday mom told me I could go to the mall with my friend, taking the bus.
But she wasn't going to give me any money.
She said she had already given me 20$... and she did... two weeks ago.

When Hero died she didn't let me know until the next morning, a school day.
Then her all-knowing mind decided the best thing was to describe his body to me.
No, not hugs.
"There was blood coming out of his mouth"
Thanks, that is what I needed to hear.

She tells me drawing is what makes me "unique" and she congratulates me on the most minor of tasks
Its insulting, if I tell her to stop she throws a fit.
a) Jumping up and down (literally!) b) Yelling and crying c) calling me names

The bloody nose joke? About me being a drama-queen?
Sometime last month Elise made her mad for whatever and she left for school
I was doing my chore, cleaning the kitchen, as asked
She storms through the house ranting and raving and yelling at me
She gets in my face multiple times, and my nose begins to bleed
It could have been the medication- oh wait
Aren't I on anti-depressants? IS it possible she stressed me out so much my brain was actually fighting the medication?
Haha wow. Nope. Just me being a drama-queen. Because any human being can tell their nose to bleed on command.

I was informed that she told you I stole her jewelry box.
Because she has never lost anything. Ever.
In the history of my 15 years of living has mom never lost her jewelry box, important documents, her glasses, keys, or even the vacuum.
Recently she did a major sweep of her room and cleaned it. I'm proud of her for cleaning her hoarder's den after months of yelling at us to do the same and pouting when I refused to help her clean her room. I really am
However, stuffing random objects in three large boxes behind the couch maybe, just maybe, she lost something?
Counting the three large boxes, papers filling the couch, and one wall of stuff that hasn't been looked through,
I don't know.
Maybe she lost it. Or yes, I absolutely took it. Because I want coppery-fake gold and 40+ year old earrings. I totally want that.
What is fake gold worth, anyway? $.25 to the dollar? Yes, I can get some good ol' Ramen for that price.

She claims she has no money and yet I see Panda Express boxes and Carls Jr in her car.
(Or buried in the trash can as if she tries to hide it)

As time goes on I find that I have less and less respect for her.
Do you know what she said to me last night? "F*** you, b****!"
I cannot trust her. I will never trust her.
She lies, she takes notes on me.
She is not punctual, but will blame me if she is late.

When I came out here I tried to be as compassionate as I could.
Y'know, with her throwing tantrums like Sterling and all
After she dumped us off in Florida with no warning once-so-ever I realized she did not care.
We did not have much of a relationship in Lancaster... for the most part I remember me and Elise schooling ourselves. She was there, of course, in the mornings. Telling us to clean, giving us an Agenda for the day. That was it.
That was it
Now, when I cry or want to be left alone I am an "ungrateful child" "b****" or "there is something wrong with you"
And the most famous line "Your father doesn't have to deal with this! He's out in Miami f***ing his 3-dollar *****s! Pesos are worthless here! He makes 100k a year he has a mansion out there in Brazil living the life sipping c***tails and not having to deal with you!"
Every. Single. Argument.
I'll try to hook a microphone to this computer so you can hear it.
Don't believe me. I got this all on Jerry Springer. Check the recordings on my phone.

Do you know how she placed me in the Special Ed class?
She bold-faced lied.
She claimed I hit my head on the walls, I had a facination with mirrors (I admit, I do, who can resist this face? haha), that I spun in circles and I refused to do anything out of order
She said I broke things, I stood on the counter, she even stooped so slow as to say I play with the cats' fecal matter
How do I know? The thereapist told me.
Y'know what else?
I was there, it was a phone conference and she was on speaker.
Mrs Bullock asked if she wanted me to participate in classes next year,
She said "Yes"
She promised she would pull me out if things didn't work out.
Well, between the Special Ed teacher visiting and staring me down in other classes
Being jumped by a group of girls who stole my backpack and everything inside it (The backpack was returned.. can't say for my homework, pens, or anything at all. They even took the folders)
Or teased because I'm in the "weirdo class" or "being a Special kid" and kids teasing me for just about anything
"Why do you write with blue ink?" "Why do you write with black ink?" "Why are you writing with a led pencil?"
"Is that why your teeth are f*cked up? Every ED has bad teeth".
"Is that why you still wear Nikes from '08?"
And the Ed who stole my iPod (when I told mom, she just shrugged it off)
The school staff was useless and allowed the boy to go to PE before checking his backpack. Any common knowledge there?
I told the boy's mom. Know what she said? "He can't help it, I'm sorry. He has no reason to steal but he just does."

She told me she would take me out of the IEP. She didn't.

Stop telling me she loves me when she clearly does not.

today-
she said if she had a gun she would take us (me and my sister( out she doesnt want us

when she was on me she choked me she was holding my neck elsie tried to get her off me and i scratched her face she says if i call the cops she will lie she will tell them i attacked her and you know i would never hit anyone
she says she is said
i hate you b**** i hate you b**** i wish i had an abortion i hate you b**** i f***ing hate you i dont want you f*** you b**** f*** you i dont want you your an ignorant [censored] n****r your ugly thats why the boys dont want you your father doesnt even want you your f***ing stupid your a stupid ***** n****r i will got to the police station right now who do you think will go to jail you f***ing ignorant [censored] f*** you f*** fred he left me with his demon seed go ahead tell the police who do you think they will believe i will put you in a mental phacility i will lock you up in juvenille hall everytime i look in the mirror i will see this and think i hate that child i hate you b**** i hate you b**** your nasty going around throwing your p**** to boys nasty ugly *****

she doesnt love me i dont know what to do i cant go anywhere i cant stay here i dont know what im sorry please i dont know what to think she hates me

[Verity81]

Your mother does sound narcissistic! You might find the website daughters of narcissistic mothers a helpful read. The forum has closed but there are links to other good sites

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[nicoleflynn]

This is horrific abuse. Usually abusers hate THEMSELVES and take it out on others; this is called projection. Call a hospital and ask to speak to a social worker.; call a domestic violence hotline; there is help out there.

You need help immediately before she murders you.

[Bill3]

Please do as nicoleflynn just suggested; please get help.

[BLUEDOVE]

Your 'mother' is insane,just like the one I had.
For God's sake get away from her any way you
can.
God Bless,
BLUEDOVE