[So It Goes]

I suffered from childhood and adult abuse. I'd be more specific but I can't open up about it yet. I never feel "safe" anywhere, or have the feeling of "home". No matter where I am, I am hypervigilant and am constantly tense. I have been dealing with these feelings mostly on my own.

I've tried to at least construct a place of safety in my bedroom, as devoid of electronics or any triggers as possible, yet I still can never let my guard down. It has varied in severity over the course of my life, but it's worse when I'm alone lately. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Does anyone here have any insights?

Thanks.

[whenwillitend]

I was physically and emotionally abused growing up, it didn't stop until I moved out. Even in my own apartment, it took me years before I was able to leave doors open, you know, between rooms. Until then, no matter what room I was in, every single door had to be closed and if possible locked. I never felt safe. Footsteps outside my apartment made me freak out.

That was quite a few years ago, and with time I've gotten over it. I still get scared though when I hear someone fighting, yelling, things like that. Aggression in any way. I do feel safe at home now, although I do get scared sometimes still when my husband yells at our older son, or he gets mad at something, although he's never been aggressive towards me.

I don't really have any advice, for me, time made all the difference. I hope it will for you too.

[Sannah]

So when you are with others you feel safer?

[So It Goes]

Originally Posted by Sannah

So when you are with others you feel safer?

It depends on the company. I don't know that I necessarily ever feel totally "safe" but I tend to feel better around certain people. I have a very good friend and roommate for a long time that I can usually find relief by spending time with him. I won't be seeing him on a day-to-day basis in a few months and I'll be living alone, so I've begun worrying about how I'll handle it.

[skeksi]

I completely relate. I rarely feel completely safe, and I can be jolted from that 'complacency' in a split second by a tiny innocuous sound. Years ago I had a roommate; she didn't make me feel safe, but I felt less in danger when she was around because I figured if something terrible happened, at least I wouldn't be alone.

[alias123]

I had the same problem when I was living on my own. Every door had to be closed, even closets. I had to have a light on. I was on the third floor, but locked the porch door even though you'd have to be spider man to break in and hurt me that way.

I started to feel better by falling asleep to people talking. I fell asleep with radio or podcasts on every night. I would also sleep with the phone next to me. I also had pepper spray next to me. When not sleeping I would usually have the TV on. Calm voices feel safe to me. Maybe that could help you a little.

Other than that, I guess it must just take time... that's what helped ease my mind.

I wish you good luck, though!

[hunkerdown]

Originally Posted by So It Goes

I suffered from childhood and adult abuse. I'd be more specific but I can't open up about it yet. I never feel "safe" anywhere, or have the feeling of "home". No matter where I am, I am hypervigilant and am constantly tense. I have been dealing with these feelings mostly on my own.

I've tried to at least construct a place of safety in my bedroom, as devoid of electronics or any triggers as possible, yet I still can never let my guard down. It has varied in severity over the course of my life, but it's worse when I'm alone lately. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Does anyone here have any insights?

Thanks.

Thank you for speaking out about this - I was just thanking a friend of mine for connecting with me in a way that made me feel safe, and I think since you and I feel unsafe most of the time, we notice when that fear is lifted, if only for awhile.

I have two small dogs at home, and their companionship has made a huge difference in my life. I don't really like leaving my home, but I do so in order to walk "Will and Grace". Along the way we meet other dogs and owners (and I used to cross the street in order to avoid people) and I have slowly felt more safe around unfamiliar people and places. But in small doses

Also, I tend to be more concerned with the pups' well-being and comfort than my own (typical, right) so they help me "get out of my own way" in order to give them the care they deserve. Sounds ludicrous, doesn't it? Don't we deserve this kind of care? Of course we do...and two small rescue dogs have certainly rescued me right back.

Let us know how you're doing.

[Fuzzybear]

[transient]

I relate to you. I'm so tense most of the time that I have severe anxiety issues and have developed health issues related to being tense all the time ( migraines, sore back/neck, acid reflux etc )

Something that helps me is to give myself a massage. At night, I'll sit in bed and rub my body starting from my feet and going all the way up to my scalp. Even massaging places you wouldn't think of like elbows, fingers and palms etc help!
I like your idea of making a place free of distractions. You could put comforting things in there like a super soft blanket/ stuffed animal, and positive quotes etc. For a while I used to pile blankets at my door, and it would help to block out the sound and create a small sense of safety.
Another thing you can do is get a club or some sort of defense 'weapon' and put it next to your front door. It's odd how the presence of a metal baseball bat in my home makes me feel safer, but it can come in handy.

I'm going to need to deal with this very soon, because I want to get a job so I can move out, and I know for sure it will be hard to deal with when I'm living independently. The worse it gets for me, the more depersonalized and paranoid I get. I can't even shop alone or be away from my mom (the only person I feel safe around) without having to deal with it. You can usually find me with the deer-in-headlights look because of this, and god forbid someone gets too close to me in the store or walks up behind me stealthily. It's the worst.

I hope you're doing well