I am not sure if this is the place to put this thread, so forgive me if it isn't.

First I want to say that my half brother was known to me as my cousin until I was about 16. My mom had him when she was young and my aunt adopted him and raised him. So at the time this happened, I thought he was my cousin. The whole situation got worse in my mind when I found out he was my half brother and that at the time this happened, he KNEW he was my half brother.

When I was 11, I remember being at my grandparents house and most of my cousins were there. I have a huge family so that means there were a lot of people around. Anyways, I went inside to go to the bathroom and when I came out, my half brother was inside too. He said he wanted to show me something and to follow him in the bedroom. I had faith that people are good so I didn't think anything of it. He asked a few questions about something stupid (I dont remember what he asked), then he said "Have you had sex yet?" Of course, I hadn't. He said well, do you mind if I practice on you? I have a girlfriend and I dont want to seem stupid to her. I was confused and shocked. Needless to say, he kissed me and laid me on the bed. I got scared and became stiff. I just wanted to go back outside. He told me it was ok. That people do this all the time. He dry humped me for about 5 minutes then said he was good. I had no idea what that meant at the time. He told me I could go back outside but I couldnt tell anyone what had hapened. When I asked why, he got real mad and said because they would be jealous. This happened 3 more times that summer. Each time he got more aggressive and mean about not telling anyone. I was so scared of him. He was older than me and I was afraid he would hurt me.

To this day, I havent told anyone except my husband. I want to ask my brother why he did this to me. Why did he think I would be accepting of this behavior. I want to tell my mom but I am afraid she wont believe me. She was also abused by her brother as a kid so she may understand but I'm so afraid to tell her. I told my husband and all he said was that cousins do that sometimes and that it was ok. I dont feel that it was ok. I feel dirty. Ashamed. Mad.

I also wonder if this is what has caused me to be sexually promiscuous? Or is that from the bipolar? Or am I just a *****?

Someone help me please!!!!!!

[nicoleflynn]

More than likely your promiscuity was caused by being sexually abused; that is what happens quite often. You are NOT a *****; that is an ugly word ....you were sexually abused; have you considered therapy? I was also molested at the same age by a neighbor; it is sadly, too common. There is a saying that you are only as healthy as your biggest secret. You might want to write a letter to your brother (or confront him in person if you feel safe) of "restorative justice"--meaning...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. I believe that is empowering to tell the truth and not to suffer in silence, for something that was not your fault.

Your husband is WRONG; sexual abuse is NEVER okay....try to put the feelings of shame, feeling dirty etc., where they belong.......on the abuser. Secrets destroy; telling the truth can bring relief; I know how scary it is, but if you are to ever begin healing.......you will need to tell the truth.

[punkybrewster6k]

Originally Posted by iamfred2

I am not sure if this is the place to put this thread, so forgive me if it isn't.

First I want to say that my half brother was known to me as my cousin until I was about 16. My mom had him when she was young and my aunt adopted him and raised him. So at the time this happened, I thought he was my cousin. The whole situation got worse in my mind when I found out he was my half brother and that at the time this happened, he KNEW he was my half brother.

When I was 11, I remember being at my grandparents house and most of my cousins were there. I have a huge family so that means there were a lot of people around. Anyways, I went inside to go to the bathroom and when I came out, my half brother was inside too. He said he wanted to show me something and to follow him in the bedroom. I had faith that people are good so I didn't think anything of it. He asked a few questions about something stupid (I dont remember what he asked), then he said "Have you had sex yet?" Of course, I hadn't. He said well, do you mind if I practice on you? I have a girlfriend and I dont want to seem stupid to her. I was confused and shocked. Needless to say, he kissed me and laid me on the bed. I got scared and became stiff. I just wanted to go back outside. He told me it was ok. That people do this all the time. He dry humped me for about 5 minutes then said he was good. I had no idea what that meant at the time. He told me I could go back outside but I couldnt tell anyone what had hapened. When I asked why, he got real mad and said because they would be jealous. This happened 3 more times that summer. Each time he got more aggressive and mean about not telling anyone. I was so scared of him. He was older than me and I was afraid he would hurt me.

To this day, I havent told anyone except my husband. I want to ask my brother why he did this to me. Why did he think I would be accepting of this behavior. I want to tell my mom but I am afraid she wont believe me. She was also abused by her brother as a kid so she may understand but I'm so afraid to tell her. I told my husband and all he said was that cousins do that sometimes and that it was ok. I dont feel that it was ok. I feel dirty. Ashamed. Mad.

I also wonder if this is what has caused me to be sexually promiscuous? Or is that from the bipolar? Or am I just a *****?

Someone help me please!!!!!!

I realize now that I was not a *****, slut etc.
Sexual abuse causes many to act this way. Bipolar could also but the abuse aspect explains it in my corcumstance. (((hugs)))

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