[ExistingInChanges]

I can't count the number of people who have emotionally, physical or sexually abused me over the years.
In childhood, it was rough. There was a lot of anger and high expectations placed on me.
I still haven't grown out of that. People attacked me at school and nobody would help me. My mom complained to the school, but they just let me handle it on my own.
I was used for money and other things. I was taken advantage of.
A group of guys got together and threw pinecones at me everyday after school in 9th grade. They threw them so hard, it felt like i was being punched. Then a different guy sprayed axe body spray in my face.Then as I got older, I was abused more and I can't go into all of it right now. It is very hard to even talk about this amount of abuse.
I was always put down and bullied and critizised for every mistake...everything that went wrong was somehow my fault...
I feel so weighed down in negativity and low self esteem. Its like anything good I did wasn't enough, because I had done so much bad...messed up too much...

[blueredgrey]

Hey,

I'm so sorry for all that you went thru. It sounds really tough when you feel like the whole world is against you and trying to get you.

Are you currently in therapy? If not, please do consult one and take your time to find the right one. A therapist is a paid friend and you gel with only a few.

Do you have any siblings or friends you can share your pain with?

I really recommend you to write about all the abuse you underwent. Writing is very therapeutic - be it in a diary or blog. Slowly you would get to a point where you can talk about it a little more freely.

Good luck. We're here to help!

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by blueredgrey

Hey,

I'm so sorry for all that you went thru. It sounds really tough when you feel like the whole world is against you and trying to get you.

Are you currently in therapy? If not, please do consult one and take your time to find the right one. A therapist is a paid friend and you gel with only a few.

Do you have any siblings or friends you can share your pain with?

I really recommend you to write about all the abuse you underwent. Writing is very therapeutic - be it in a diary or blog. Slowly you would get to a point where you can talk about it a little more freely.

Good luck. We're here to help!

Yeah, I have a wonderful therapist. I just have a lot of issues to work through with her. I mean in addition to being abused.
I always wanna cry when I talk about it. I know I need to get it out of me, but its so heavy. I feel paranoid a lot. I feel like I can't understand peoples true intentions anymore. Like people just love to know they are hurting you, it seems. They get some thrill out of it or something to have someone to walk all over.
I put the trigger, because the feelings are described in detail and they weigh heavily on me and if you've been attacked, then they must weigh heavily on you as well.
Thank you for your support.

[Rzay4]

It's so great to hear you have a wonderful therapist. I too have suffered from bullying and verbal abuse in addition to others. Trauma work takes time. I hope to find a good T that will help me as my current T aggravates me.

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

It's so great to hear you have a wonderful therapist. I too have suffered from bullying and verbal abuse in addition to others. Trauma work takes time. I hope to find a good T that will help me as my current T aggravates me.

I hope you find a therapist who works for you.
I'm sorry to hear that you have gone through that type of pain.
I barely saw you replied. Sorry.
The bullying does more mental damage than people realize. It really affects your self esteem.

[Rzay4]

Thanks I've changed my mind about my current T she actually is really good. Trauma therapy is just really hard. Best of luck to you.