[Apis]

Hey!

I'm new to this site-- just wanted to say hello. I'm here because I cannot seem to get my life off the ground, despite being in my 30s. I feel like a child a lot of the time and am really embarrased about it. I think the abuse has irretrivibly broken me and everything on the news, esp. of late, brings it all back as if it were yesterday.
Some family members are in my life still, although I've tried to extricate myself. They are unsupportive, to say the least. It's getting to the point where I don't/can't even leave my tiny apt. I feel hopeless. Alone.

Thanks for listening. <font color="purple"> </font>

[Eva1nder]

Hi Apis and welcome.

I can really relate a lot to what you've said as I'm sure there are many here who will.

I'm 36 myself and unable to work or "get my life" off the ground either.

I have found this site and the people to be extremely helpful.

If you ever need any help, support or information...just reach out.

You can pm me anytime as well.

Good luck.

Eva

[JustAPixie]

((((((( Apis )))))))

I'm so sorry this had to happen to you....

[Apis]

Hi Eva,

I can't convey to you how much it means to me that you replied to my post. Thank you. For everything you said. I'm sorry you feel similarly. Lately, it's too much to bear.

I can't work either. And I'm so scared because I'm on disability and I'm ashamed of that and everything else. Whenever I think I can pull this out of the fire, I know I can't becasue of the glaring gaps in my resume. I feel trapped.

I had a silly part time job that I stormed out on last week. I can't handle anything. I resigned myself but thought I'd give it one more try. So, here I am.

You're an angel. I hope you have a peaceful night and hope we both wake up tomorrow feeling better (miraculously cured doesn't look like it's on the menu).

Goodnight.

[Apis]

Hi Pixie,

Thank you. I am too. I demand a do-over (heh)

You know, not a lot of people in my life have said that, I'm glad you did. It's still a secret with the very few friends I have so I feel like I have to put on and lie. I know from history that no one wants to hear this (of course not the gory details, but a general statement that would explain a lot). The others are family and they think I should be well over it by now.

I hope you're doing OK. I appreciate your reply and wish you well.

Goodnight,
E

[Eva1nder]

Apis,

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are and I know the overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to do about the situation.

I myself don't work and I don't feel capable b/c of my mental health & physical. I sometimes think maybe I can, but then I realize I'm just not stable, but that's gone on for so long. *shrugs* It's like a vicious cycle.

I try to come here and offer support and that helps me. Also, I go in chat and try to be silly and enjoy many ppl's company going through similar things such as yourself.

Don't give up. You sound like a very nice person and you deserve to have that on the menu

Sometimes I switch to just not thinking about all those overwhelming thoughts when I just can't see a resolve or am in a certain place that makes me too anxious.

Then I'll go back to it.

Have a goodnight and ty

Hi...

You aren't the only one.... I hope in some small way that helps... Please don't feel embrassed about being on disability.... the disability system was put together to help people that need help..

Sincerely,
freewill

[Apis]

Hi Freewill,

Thanks. It does help. I appreciate your reaching out to me.

It's hard to engage with other people without feeling awkward about my inability to work and I know most people think it's just an excuse, like "I wish I could not work and get paid for it."

And I'm not only broke but in the red. I do ridiculous things just to survive, and for what? More suffering. I live in elderly/disabled housing. I'm so ? I dunno, nothing ever gets better no matter how much I try. Right now I'm trying to figure out how I can get a jar of coffee and a little thing of milk. I feel like a stressed out rat in a cage. The only escape hatch is within my range of vision but impossible to reach.

F.W., I know you didn't sign up for this rambling, I'm sorry.

The people I've "met" so far have been supportive and wise. That's a positive, esp. since I just signed on yesterday.

Have a good day, thank you again.

Emma

[Apis]

I just wanted to say *thank you* for your supportive and understanding words. It really made a difference. I feel a lot better today. As you could probably tell, I was hanging on by a thin thread when I posted.

I also wanted to let you know that I got my coffee and creme and it's fabulous. (returned bottle, cans and loose change). So, I recycled too. heh.

I hope you all have a peaceful night and don't ever hesitate to write me. I check this fairly often.

[Eva1nder]

(((((((( Emma )))))))))

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better.

If you ever have sometime come in chat if you see me. I'd love to chat

[Apis]

{Thank you}. Depending on your time zone (I'm EST but the coffee. . . still good though), I hope you're having a good night or are sleeping peacefuly.

I'd love to. Hope we'll be online at the same time soon. I am having trouble with the chat feature (? with Java), but it'll be fixed soon, hopefully.

-E

[Eva1nder]

Hey E

Hope you get it fixed soon. I'm on eastern time too



In chat I often go there to just be silly to kind of help me get away from my problems and it just makes me feel better with certain people in there to laugh.

But I also enjoy having conversations with people when they'd like to talk. I think sometimes people see me being so silly they don't know what to make of me, but really that's just my way of distraction and coping.

Anyways, I'll look for yah...hopefully soon.

[Apis]

Hi!

How are you?

That's a cute smiley jumpin' on the bed. Silliness is a delightful trait. I'm known to be a little wacky sometimes myself.

Yea, I'm all about distraction. I've had about all the reflection I ever want. I'm guessing you can relate. Do you like art/crafts? I've found that to be helpful.

Uggh, I'm really anxious about going to my friend's place for dinner. I hardly know her (she's a cool person, though) and since things have hit an all-time low lately, I've been cocooning in my apt. Also, I don't know whether this dinner is gonna sit well with me since I've pretty much lost my appetite and only nibble on Chex mix. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm hoping low-key will be the mood.

I hope your day is going well. Talk to you soon.

E