[dogzrule]

I posted this in the sleep issues thread yesterday and haven't gotten any responses. I didn't see this thread, and I think it is more appropriate anyway.


Hi Everyone,

I haven't written on here in a while and I will try to make my story as short as possible. I'm having really bad nightmares, now almost every night, about an ex boyfriend of mine I left after a physically abusive relationship (you can read the story here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...aid-court.html ). I actually moved away and wasn't having nightmares anymore, but I recently moved back to the same town (I didn't have too much of a choice, job situation). Ever since I moved back, my nightmares are getting increasingly worse and happening more often, and I have also started grinding my teeth during them. I know this has also partly been because I recently saw my ex in town and snuck away before he could see me.

To make matters worse, this weekend I woke up from a nightmare to seeing a house fire about 100 yards away from my apartment. I called 911 and the fire department came, and no one was hurt luckily because it was a very large fire. Last night it took me a long time to get to sleep, and even when I finally slept it wasn't good sleep. Waking up to the fire seems to have made matters worse and I'm afraid to go to sleep because I don't want to have the nightmares. Has anyone else dealt with nightmares before, and if so, what has helped you? Thanks for any help.

[unaluna]

I have never found a solution to my nightmares. The more i resolve the issues IRL, the better they get, but anniversaries or any reminders will bring them back again.

[yelobird]

I cant do much but echo the above comment, i havnt found a solution yet either, but i can offwe some sympathy. sorry your having the situation you're in.

[allme]

I also have nightmares but sadly can't offer up a solution...just some hugs

[Homeira]

Have you tried counseling? It has helped me a lot. I also joined a support-group for victims of domestic abuse. It will not take the pain of what happened to me away, but it has given me some tools to cope better with it.

[dogzrule]

Thanks for all the replies. I had counseling before, but I don't have health insurance right now. I will look into a support group also.

[mimsies]

I have nightmares every night, sometimes worse than other. Some turn in to full blown flashbacks when I wake. Some turn into night terrors when I partially wake.

Nothing makes the actual DREAMS better for me, but developing the habit of immediately reaching for my stuffed bear, and recognizing what it feels like, and snuggling it close when I wake up helps. I also immediately look around the room and recognize my big red numbered alarm clock. I can reach up and feel the headboard of my bed, and tactilely recognize it. I listen for the fan I always leave on, and recognize the whir. I use all these to ground myself in the present, knowing where I am and that I am in a safe place (well as safe as anywhere I will find). All of these help me to come down easier after a nightmare.

I hope it helps, sorry I don't have any suggestions for controlling or effecting the actual dreams.

[dogzrule]

Thanks for that! That would be helpful I'm sure. I don't have them every night (and I'm sorry that you do). I seem to go through phases, some weeks it's every night and some weeks it's not so much. I don't know if there's something that really triggers it, there isn't really that I've noticed, sometimes it's just more often.

Has anyone had success with meditation? I used to do that because I couldn't fall asleep. Now I can fall asleep, the problem is staying asleep and not having nightmares.

[mimsies]

What has really helped me GET sleep regardless of nightmares, night terrors, and flashbacks is a longterm Traumatic Brain Injury which leaves me too exhausted to stay awake at the end of the day.

But I seriously don't recommend that.

[dogzrule]

I won't be trying that anytime soon! I'm sorry that both of those things happened to you.

[mimsies]

Well, I now avoid Middle School ball games, that's for sure! Who'd have thought an 8th grader could throw so hard? Kid should do shot put in the olympics or something.

Just to be clear, I was not playing dodge ball, I was just waiting for my one on one student to take him to his next class. I wasn't really in the line of fire except when one kid got the sneaky smart idea to try a different angle to get his friend on the opposite team.

[Homeira]

What helped me also was to get really angry! I was suppressing a lot of anger. My doctor told me to start kick-boxing! Maybe it sounds strange, but I let my anger come out in various ways. Standing in the bathroom swearing loudly when I was home alone, and boxing helped also! Letting out our anger is an underestimated form of therapy. Also it is important to me to keep in mind that the sort of society we live in is a hard place to be for women. Certain ideas we are brought up to believe in are increadibly sexist, and it is us, the victims of domestic abuse and rape, that pays the ultimate price.

[dogzrule]

First of all, that is a terrible story about the middle schooler and the shot put...I've always been surprised they allow middle schoolers to play with those balls!

That might be a good idea about the anger things. Society definitely does nothing to promote equal treatment of women, let alone victims of sexual or physical abuse.

[mimsies]

It was just a dodge ball, I just can't believe how hard he threw it! People never seem to find the whole thing as funny as I do... it is just like cosmic absurdity... makes me laugh when I think about getting the injury.

I asked a therapist friend of mine who was also abused as a child about if anything helps with her nightmares. She said that in the past, a dream journal has helped her (I have tried this, but everyone is different. She also said that if the bad dreams are recurring (the same or similar each time) that she will rewrite the dream, as in write it out in her dream journal BEFORE bed (as opposed to writing it down after she wakes) and make it similar, but change the scariest most disturbing parts. For example, if in the dream she usually gets punched at some point, she could either write it down as she blocks the punch and then pushes the aggressor away and tells him in a powerful voice to leave her alone. She said that sometimes, it carries over into the actual dreams, not necessarily that it goes the same as what she wrote down, but that she finds she has more ability to control what is happening in the dream instead of just reacting to it and being haunted.

[Homeira]

The whole accident with the ball... sounds horrible! Kids and balls can be a really dangerous combination. I have a son, so I know what I am talking about!!!
I sometimes listen to a guided meditation app that I downloaded on my phone. Take it with me to bed and play it to help me get relax and my mind to stop circling around painful thoughts and memories. Use my headphones, and sometimes I plug this little loudspeaker I have into the phone and listen to it that way. ( one of many blessings of being single, can listen to guided meditation without waking anyone up). I dont have
the problem of waking up once I am asleep, but maybe you could try to just turn on the meditation again, and see if that will bring some peaceful sleep? I used to have a frightening nightmare that came back night after night some years ago, and I honestly didnt know how to deal with that. But I was stuck in a situation that was really bad for me. When I managed to change my situation, the nightmare started to go away. It was really hard, and I remember I feared going to sleep because I was scared of the nightmare...