[KAR1988]

Hey everyone. This is my story.
On 4th of July me and My husband were drinking he got really drunk I did not. We went to sleep around 1 am and I woke up groggy to him rubbing me down there and messing with me trying to have sex about 2 hours later. I pushed his hand away and told him to stop. And he rolled over and fell back asleep, I thought. As did I doze back off. Then he started to doing it again I said stop. And he kept at it so I thought well maybe if I pretend like I am sleeping he will just leave me alone. So I waited and waited and he didnt stop. He pulled my pants down and started fingering me, when he thought I was sleeping. I felt so betrayed and scared. SO at that point I "woke" up and just got it over with and had sex with him. Since then we talked about it and he feels like a piece of crap and said he would do it again. He has not, but everytime he touchs me or anything I get anxiety and nervous almost like PTSD. I feel like I would be ok with him if we were no longer together, but being around him gives my anxiety. I feel like i can't trust him I am the heavist sleeper and can sleep through anything and if he even bumps me in the night I wake up. In the past in our relationship he has talked openly about us sexually to people in general in front of me, about my body and stuff, nothing bad but has also made me feel unsafe and disrespected. I don't kow if its possible to get over this and be together and be close like he needs me to be with him.... like any guy does. We have two kids and Im just at a loss for what to do! Im so unhappy with how I feel on a daily bases!

[kaliope]

hi kar
he didn't respect that no meant no and he violated you. you are now suffering because of that. you are going to need therapy to deal with it. make sure it is somebody who specializes in sexual abuse if you want the best most sensitive treatment. only then will you be able to decide if your marriage can survive this. the sooner the better. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[mimsies]

Oh geez. I am so sorry this happened to you.

That was very much a violation, and I understand why you feel like you can't trust him any more.

I agree that counseling is important. He probably needs it too. Probably couples counseling at some point would also be good, especially if you feel like you want to try to stay with him.

Is there anything you can think of that would help you feel safer right now? Would it help to sleep separately until you find some sort of resolution?

Hang in there.

[mommaxo]

he's your husband you are supposed to be able to trust him. let alone feel safe sleeping beside him. He betrayed your trust, and being drunk is not an excuse for what he's done. You should feel safe, and comfortable when you are around your lover, not the opposite. Him feeling bad for what he's done, doesn't mean it makes you feel anymore confident that he's not going to do again. I would personally leave that relationship. He tried to raped you in your sleep. I wouldn't be able to forgive him If i were in your shoes. He's how old? he should know sexual boundaries between you two already. Not having sex with your wife when your drunk and she's sleeping is usually a given.

[Tommo]

Mmmmm...you both were drinking. He got drunk, you did not. There ya go.

[*PeaceLily*]

Originally Posted by Tommo

Mmmmm...you both were drinking. He got drunk, you did not. There ya go.

So therefore, he can touch her up in the middle of the night?? To be honest, t scares me the way men think...

i don't think this is a 'relationship over' scenario personally, but it's seriously not ok to do that to your partner whilst they are sleeping or whilst you think they are asleep.Whether he was drunk or not, I presume he still understood the word 'no.'

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by Tommo

Mmmmm...you both were drinking. He got drunk, you did not. There ya go.

wow! i really hope you can clarify what you mean by this...i find it incredibly offensive when taken at face value...