[mimsies]

Terrible nightmares that turn into night terrors when I wake part way up. Fighting the person I think is there but actually isn't so hard (in a way I never did in real life) that I raked my fingernails through my own flesh leaving grooved scrapes on my arms and neck.

[Raindropvampire]

I'm so sorry for you. I have busted my knuckles hitting the wall waking up from a night terror. I have hurt myself and others. It's a terrible thing to live with. You are not alone in this and you have my deepest sympathy.

[mimsies]

I seem so cool and collected during the day, such that no one would know what I have been through. But when I sleep I can't control myself.

I can't help but keep thinking about how I have struggled and resisted purposefully inflicting self injury only so I end up still hurting myself in my sleep.

How can these monsters who pretended to be humans haunt my sleep? Why can't I seem to protect myself?I know I must be stronger than they because I survived everything they dished out, and I never became someone who victimizes others. How is it possible that they still hold the power when I close my eyes?

Me too. Its awful. I hope it relents for you soon.

[RainbowG]

I know it's painful, but nightmares and night terrors are a form of cleansing. Rest assured, your abusers do not have power over you when you sleep! It just feels like it.

As you heal, the nightmares and night terrors will get less and less and then go away. There's actually research on the nightmares of sexual abuse survivors that shows this.

There's also research that suggests we have more nightmares and night terrors when we're under stress. The holidays is often a stressful time for us, so perhaps that's contributing to this. Finding ways to ease the stress can perhaps help reduce them, so that's something to think about.

It also helps to view nightmares and night terrors as cleansing mechanisms. I was having nightmares very often for a while, but when I began to understand what they were really doing, it helped to ease the pain of them.

[Lady Lindsey]

Originally Posted by mimsies

Terrible nightmares that turn into night terrors when I wake part way up. Fighting the person I think is there but actually isn't so hard (in a way I never did in real life) that I raked my fingernails through my own flesh leaving grooved scrapes on my arms and neck.

I am so sorry, I know the feelings all too well. Night terrors at times are more intense than flashbacks. I kept my nails cut short for a long time and finally resorted to wearing a very soft thin pair of gloves to sleep. It helps to minimize the unwanted damage.

Keeping you in my thoughts ((((Mimsies))))

[Leavethelighton]

Originally Posted by mimsies

I seem so cool and collected during the day, such that no one would know what I have been through. But when I sleep I can't control myself.

I can't help but keep thinking about how I have struggled and resisted purposefully inflicting self injury only so I end up still hurting myself in my sleep.

How can these monsters who pretended to be humans haunt my sleep? Why can't I seem to protect myself?I know I must be stronger than they because I survived everything they dished out, and I never became someone who victimizes others. How is it possible that they still hold the power when I close my eyes?

You could not have worded this better! Lately I have been having similar experiences. Screaming, crying and giving myself injuries without realizing it, but knowing the dream. Dreams make you relive it. It is awful. As you say, we may be able to keep calm during the day but they get us when we are vulnerable its like it never ends!