[Raindropvampire]

My brother and I got into a deep conversation a few hours ago. He told me that when he was 11 a guy tried to grab him from a bathroom. He and my dad were at a restaurant, he went to the bathroom, a guy came in, fondled him, flashed a gun and told him he had to go with him or he'd shoot our parents. He said right as they were walking toward the door another guy walked in and so D (my brother) bolted. He said he just ran back to the table and never said anything. He said he was scared if he said anything the guy would shoot our dad.

I am so angry and so sad for him right now. He just turned 28. I can't believe that he's held this in so long. He's autistic but extremely high functioning. Suddenly so much of his social phobia, his anxiety, his mistrust of people and everything makes so much more sense.

I also feel horrible because I had to go to work. I wanted to call in so bad just to stay and sit with him but right now if I miss a day then we are going to have to choose if we want the electric shut off or the water.

He wouldn't let me tell our mom. He says he's ashamed and doesn't want anyone to know. He's freaking 28 and he's like 6 foot and 275 pounds and crawled into my lap to cry. He hasn't done that since he was little. I just sat there and rocked him and stroked his hair and told him it wasn't his fault.

I protected him from family but I couldn't protect him from the world. I feel like I failed him. I should have known. I've asked over the years but from some reason until tonight he wasn't ready to talk about it. I should have seen it but I didn't.

[nicoleflynn]

Perhaps he would agree to see a therapist?

[Raindropvampire]

I got him into therapy a few years ago but then his T had to go on maternity leave and he saw that as she abandoned him. I have been unable to get him back in since. I told him this morning when he got up that he HAS to go back. I will not take no for an answer. He acted like he had no idea what I was talking about then completely withdrew.

I don't know maybe making him go to T is wrong. I prefer to hit things head on deal with it and go from there. He lives in his head and if I push what if he withdraws completely? He's 28 but in so many ways he's still a little kid.

[blueredgrey]

I am so sorry for what your brother went through. I can understand his inability to trust.

But I think you need to talk to him every day a little - plant a little seed in his mind that he needs therapy and it can help him move on. You can benefit a little from therapy yourself. Maybe, seeing you go to a therapist, your brother may be encouraged to go to one. The reason I am saying that you can benefit from a little therapy yourself is coz - you seem to blame yourself a lot for what your brother underwent. You almost sound like "I failed", when no one could have done anything.

I am sorry for asking....but can you pls elaborate on "I protected him from family?"If your parents are the understanding kind, then maybe they should know what happened to him and all of you can work for helping your brother?

[Raindropvampire]

Originally Posted by blueredgrey

I am so sorry for what your brother went through. I can understand his inability to trust.

But I think you need to talk to him every day a little - plant a little seed in his mind that he needs therapy and it can help him move on. You can benefit a little from therapy yourself. Maybe, seeing you go to a therapist, your brother may be encouraged to go to one. The reason I am saying that you can benefit from a little therapy yourself is coz - you seem to blame yourself a lot for what your brother underwent. You almost sound like "I failed", when no one could have done anything.

I am sorry for asking....but can you pls elaborate on "I protected him from family?"If your parents are the understanding kind, then maybe they should know what happened to him and all of you can work for helping your brother?

Our mother is bipolar and unmedicated so was very unpredictable. She could be the best mom in the world then turn around 5 minutes later and split your lip. When he was 2 he let her cat escape and she hit him hard enough that it left a hand print and imprint of her forearm across his back. Not to mention it knocked him down and rolled him about two feet. I was 12 but backed her into the wall and told her he wouldn't grow up like me and I'd call child services if ANYTHING like that happened again. After that she just put me in charge of his discipline. If he did something to make her mad then I just got the crap kicked out of me.

Also my uncle molested me from the time I was 4 until I was about 14. He also molested our mom and aunt when they were growing up and several of our cousins and his step daughter. There were also incidents with a few older cousins and my god brother. I always made sure he was never ever left alone with anyone in the family. Even if it meant canceling plans I had to stay home no one was allowed to watch him but me or dad.

I have been in therapy off and on for years. Along with the slight autism and anxiety he has something else going on. I know it goes with the trust issues but it's deeper than that. Like he freaked the first time I started taking meds because meds are government mind control and used to experiment on people.