[HorsesAndDaisies]

Hello all

At this point I have decided to go to an anonymous online forum because I don't know what else to do. Any help or advice is extremely appreciated.

I am engaged to an amazing man. We have known each other 2 and a half years and have been dating for 2 years. We are getting married next year.

I am at my utter wits end with his step father. I believe he is a verbally abusive man and I feel like I am the only one who sees it and it drives me nuts. I have witnessed several angry verbal outbursts in the time I have been with my fiancé and it makes me cringe every time. He can be a very nice, funny, easy going guy. He loves to joke around with people. But. He has the worst temper I have ever witnessed in my life. He cusses and screams at my fiancé., my fiances little brother and his mom as well. It makes me so angry and sad at the same time. Especially because he has no shame and does this in front of me. Talk about uncomfortable. He gets angry about the smallest things-lights being left on too long (he pays the electric bill), accidental spills, little messes, chores not being done, etc. it's his way or no way.

He recently has told my fiancé he is kicked out of his house because of a huge fight they got into over something very small that nearly ended up getting physical. My fiancé doesn't put up with his mouth and he doesn't like it and things escalate quickly a lot of times. It makes me so sad and angry because my fiancé and I are trying to save up to buy a house right now and he's working so hard and doing a great job. Now this happens. This isn't the first time he's been kicked out either. But this time he means business.

I feel like the verbal abuse has been going on so long in that family that they've just become numb to it. I don't come from that type of family but I have dated an abusive man before so I have experienced it personally. His mom and brother tell my fiancé to just let him rant and just stay silent til he is done yelling and cussing at him and things would get better. My fiancé isn't having it because he knows it's wrong. It's not a disrespect thing to his parents like they make it out to be.

At this point I just really don't go over their house much anymore. If I do it's when his step dad isn't there. That may be my best bet. My fiancé and I don't have children yet but we both agree to be cautious with his step dad when we do. My fiancé would lose it if his step dad ever talked to our kids the way he talks to him and his family. So would I for that matter.

He's a toxic individual. I just don't know what if anything can be done.

Thanks for listening. Maybe it will just help being able to vent this out there. Thanks for reading

[kaliope]

hi horsesanddaisies
that certainly isnt a future to look forward to. maybe having your fiance sit down with him when he is in a good mood and using i statements discuss how the verbal abuse impacts the family, having the whole family sit down and do an intervention would be ideal, but respectfully asking him to be more respectful of others. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[sideblinded]

HorsesAndDaisies, It might be helpful to keep your family away from your fiancé's step father. You can't change him so best to avoid him as much as possible. I understand how damaging a toxic household can be.

Welcome to PC. Best wishes at home and here.

[nicoleflynn]

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life; I think it should be required reading for everyone on theplanet.

He sounds like a nightmare. Avoid him as much as possible. You have no obligation to see him and neither does your fiance if he is not his real dad.

[HorsesAndDaisies]

Thanks everyone for the support and feedback. My fiancé and I have both whole-heartedly agreed that when we have kids, he will be monitored around them and will not see them if he can't control himself.

Thanks nicoleflynn for the book recommendation too. I will definitely check that out.

I really appreciate all of this. I know things will be a lot better once we are out on our own. We are planning on buying a house this summer so just counting down the days.

[Ruftin]

(((Horses And Daisies))) My father is like that. My family and I have been unable to change his behavior. All we can do is change ourselves. Our change was to stay away from him!! I hope this doesn't cause conflict between you and your fiancé down the road. Best to make sure you are on the same page. Be Well!!

[HorsesAndDaisies]

Thank you!