[lostmymarbles]

I was in bed and suddenly I knew the bad one was there and I was afraid to turn over and look so i was lying real still pretending to sleep and trying not to scream and I had this entire conversation in my head saying to myself well how would he get in without my hearing and this is all craziness he can't actually be there but I knew because of something I can't mention here it being sort of not appropriate but it was something that told me it was him. I think somehow in pretending to sleep I did fall asleep and I woke and was alone. But I felt he must have been there waiting to hurt me it all had been so real the weight of him in bed beside me and the smell and his breathing but in daylight there was noone. I got up and spent an hour or so searching the entire place but I couldnn't find a shred of anyhting to back it up and I'm quite sure it couln't have happened but it was real and the realness is making my skin crawl even now. Sometimes Im feeling tired and I think I'm not safe and lately I'm not feeling safe here. I don't know how to explain any of this to make it make sense to someone else. I keep remembering what he did and some nights I feel likehis there waiting to hurt me and it feels real. But I know he didn't break in here and get in my bed but then waht did I hear next to me, I mean I felt his presence and I smelled him there and that breathing while he was getting himself ready. It really scared me and now I'm afraid to go to sleep.

[RACEKA]

i understand how you feel. I get startled when my dog breathes. Any kind a noise I hear I jump. It's hard to sleep. Even the wind blows I started. I'm very jumpy and on edge. I have visions of someone standing in my bedroom doorway and I freeze and can't look. I'm scared in my own home. I have bells hanging on the doors and windows.

(((((lmm)))))

i understand as much as i have similar experiences at times
more when i first left home and moved away from abuser
its decreased since then
but with triggers it comes back sometimes

stay strong

turn on the light
a torch even
repeat to urself that ur safe
and he isnt there
and look and prove it that hes not

you can get thru this
and T can help
u will make it u seem strong