[rr13]

I was verbally abused by my father and and emotionally neglected by both parents from probably the age of 8 or 9 well into my 40's. I'm 48 now. I still depend on them for financial help, so whether I like it or not, I have to still see them once a week and put up with the abuse. I think because of that I was never able to get close to men so I never had healthy relationships. It's made me insecure and very needy for attention, which has pushed away some very good friends who were guys.

Unfortunately I was never able to afford therapy, but I'm looking into either free or very cheap outlets. I know exactly why I do the things I do and where it came from, I just don't know how to stop doing it.

[CANDC]

Hi rr13. I am so sorry for what you have endured and experienced as abuse from the time you were a child. No one should have to go through that. But it sounds like you are a survivor and aiming to deal with it.

But it is hard without a therapist and guide. Even a social worker could organize a plan for caring for you. You also need friends and support. I have found some of that here at Psych Central.

Many people find the forums and the articles helpful. Here are some forums.
Post-traumatic Stress - Forums at Psych Central

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Glad you are joining us here. There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[cluelessgal]

Hi rr13,

I am sorry you were emotionally abused.

Abuse by one parent, while the other looks away is as common as sun rising from east.

If you cannot afford therapy at the moment, I really recommend you read self-help books....that could be a good place to start. Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book - Running on Empty which caters to children who were emotionally neglected.

I also recommend reading blog by Dr. Karyl McBride (in psychology today - Legacy of Distorted Love), who has written a lot about dysfunctional families.

Please also create a blog or journal, where you can write about your traumatic moments. Writing about your abuse makes you see it from a different perspective and is healing.

Ofcourse, being jobless, I can tell you, it's very important to start earning. The best thing you can do for self-esteem is to become self-reliant. By earning what you need yourself and not relying on your abusers, it can give you a lot of self-respect.

Hope it offers a good starting point to start healing.

[rr13]

Thanks! I actually ordered the book Running on Empty yesterday and should get it in a couple of days. I think being ignored along with being verbally abused has made me especially sensitive when friends pull away. It just brings back feelings of being abandoned.

I do work full time, I just don't make enough money to cover all my bills. I'm in the process of looking for another job with better pay.

[ladytiger]

I'm an adult still dependent on them 4 money with the constant abuse I endure. I do have a part time job gonna transition to full time soon just need a salary to be independent.

[rr13]

It sucks to be an adult and still not be able to get away from the abuse. If my father isn't verbally abusing me, he's doing it to my mother.

Good luck with the job going full time. I'd get a second job if my health was better, but my full time job is about all I can manage right now.

[ladytiger]

I'm seeing a 2nd therapist for sexual abuse it's so damn hard to be an adult without having the proper survival tools.

[Crazy Hitch]

rr13, I always say the first step towards change in our own lives is recognising what it is that we want to change

And I think that for you, the fact that you have simply just acknowledged that you want to change some aspects, stands you in good stead, albeit that I'm sorry for the circumstances that have created this situation, you didn't deserve to be treated this way at all.

My wish for you is that you begin to feel a sense of inner peace and comfort within yourself, despite what you've unfairly been put through.

Keep posting here in the meantime and let us know how you are traveling, because it does help to speak to others who have overcome and are still overcoming adversities that have unnecessarily been thrown their way.