[withit]

When I was about 12 yrs old an adult male (age 20-30'ish) walked up from behind me. Came right in front of me, dropped his pants and underpants, and displayed his erect p-nis. I was very frightened. I had never seen an erect p-nis. My instinctual thought was that it was a gun aimed at me. Later I realized what it had been. After a few seconds of remaining frozen in my place I turned around and raaaaaaaaaan home. Where I got no help processing the incident.

To this day I am absolutely disgusted by the male sexual organs. I am grossed out by them.

Can that incident be considered abuse? And can that have formed my disgust about p-nises?

[inpain]

i definetely think so

[MissCharlotte]

(((Withit)))

To answer your questions: yes and yes.

You were a child and vulnerable. His behavior was invasive and violated your personal space--your sense of safety.

Anything that gives us a sense of being violated or unsafe as children has the potential to form adult behaviors.

I would discuss this with T.

i have found it helpful for me (and i'll acknowledge that it may not be helpful for you)
but i have found it helpful for me...
to refocus from 'was that abusive?'
to 'did i feel traumatised?'
(where traumatic experiences are distressing).

because sometimes...
people don't feel traumatised by experiences that we typically classify as abusive
and sometimes...
people do feel traumatised by experiences that we typically don't classify as abusive...

but either way... what matters most is your distress - right?
and the fact that you do feel distressed when you recall that incident and that it has affected your emotional responses now in a distressing way.

i'm sorry.

oh.
i just realised the other part to your question. yeah, it is possible that that is why you feel disgusted (and maybe a little afraid?) of penises now.

on a slightly related note...
this happened a few years ago...

i was with my friend (my f-buddy actually) and we were driving up his driveway and his neighbour came out and was talking to us through my window. i'd interacted with him a little before, and he was alright in his own special way i guess, but i thought he was a little bit sleezy). he was talking with my mate kind of across me... and we were eating these ice-block popsicle things. just before he turned to go he looked me right in the eyes and said 'the way you are sucking that i'm surprised we aren't better friends'. then he walked off. i felt horrified. repulsed. disgusted. shocked. i guess that was the point behind what he said? i don't know. my mate apologised to me and said he found it really very inappropriate - but it wasn't his fault, of course.

i could think about that incident from an adult place. took me a little while... hindered my sexual activity for a while... (his face kept occuring to me at inappropriate times and that was a bit of a killer)... hindered my ice block eating activity at times... but i was in an adult place and i could process it and i came right eventually (within a few months).

you were 12 and your parents wouldn't help you process what had happened. it must have been pretty scary. i think things like that (exhibitionism) is partly about power. about shocking the person. all kinds of feelings of shock and disbelief and fear and disgust... and when we see our parents respond similarly instead of helping us process those feelings...

[withit]

AK, your response resonates for me. Thank you for it. I like the idea of 'was I traumatized' vs. 'was that abuse'. Like it very much.

That man's comment about sucking is gross. Ew.

Yeah that is abuse of a minor,sexual misconduct,and flashing.But as a 12 year old,it is a form of sexual abuse. I'm sorry he did that to you,and it was wrong,and you didn't deserve that.I hope he was arrested and sent to jail,and then on to prison for it! If I write what else I hope happened to him,they would delete my reply,but I'm sure you can figure it out!
I'm really sorry you had to go through that,and still suffer because of it,those kind of things are hard to shake huh? But believe me,I understand where your coming from,I've been there on several occasions,and I have to live with it to.Feel free to PM me if you need to talk,or anything.