[mazie07]

I have never before felt so alone as I do right now. One month ago I fled an abusive relationship with my two children. Since then my life seems like it has bee turned upside down and I am reaching to every corner of the Earth to find someone to help me. I have been in contact with every person and agency that I can think for support but there nobody that seems to be able to help me physically in support for my leaving. I have found tons of people that are there to listen by listening and telling me that I am doing the best thing that I could possibly be doing but I am about to go to court and have to prove it with not a shred of evidence or so it may seem. As I was truely isolated except contact with a few people via phone, I am so scared that nobody believe me, he is already starting to deny things that he has said to me so what am I going to do when we go to court and he says "did not" "I don't remeber that" "it's all in your head"

My battle is not just fo me but for my two children. One of which is not even his and I am desparately trying to get her away. With time I know I will heal but how do I fight to protect them. My worst problem is that not only is he controllling but his mother is equally if not worse. She has jumped on board his fight and is now lying about sevral things that only both of them were witness to. How do I fight that alone? She is out to seek revenge on me as I did my best to isolate my eldest daughter from her due to her controlling and manipulative behavior. He is out to seek revenge as I managed to leave him.

On Monday dispite my fight, he was granted temporary access, today was his first visit with the girls. My eldest daughter which is not his is about to go on a wild emotional roller coaster ride and there is nothing that I can do to protect her from their manipulation such as buying her anything and everything to try to win her over. He appeared with gifts in order to win her trust. I know in her heart she does not want to go but feels compelled to ask he is buying anything she wants. It makes me want to scream as I am her own mother and I feel so powerless to protect her.

Any advise would be greatly welcomed at this point and I am running thin.....

[InACorner]

may i try to offer my hand?

I was a child in this exact exact circumstance....my mother fled the state to get rid of him....and he was allowed to get away without paying us (it was back in the day...so you can imagine) and the child protection services talked about his rights this and his rights that...and my dad even got my moms father to testify against his own daughter...it was pretty ugly...and i was in the middle....
first of all...perhaps you could get letters from family...friends...that could agree that you were in the situation...my dad did that...and he got alot of head nods...and it didnt matter that it was a he said she said issue...it might be now...remember i was just a child but this is what i know...so..im trying....
also...perhaps any scars? And i hate to say this...but maybe your eldest daughter....im sure she was there...and she can say...yes he hurt her ...they will talk to the children...most definitly....give her alittle credit too...first of all remember that he is not her real father....so she wont feel she needs to love him no matter what because she is responsible that he is her real father (like i did mine) also remember alot of people mistake the understanding of responsible.....like the saying you are not the responsible one for the divorce...its more like...(this is my personal view on how i feel about my father) i am responsible for his actions because he is my father...like you are responsible for your daughter...its that kind of responsible...i need to protect the women he traps because i am his blood....and i need to isolate him because he is a monster....so talk to her about that....explain to her he is an adult ...with his own actions....and he is fully aware that he is fully responsible...and no matter how many times she says...i know mom.....keep telling her you love her...and keep repeating that he is responsible for his own actions and that he is an adult...not a child....trust her not to fall into the trap of gifts and stuff....yea there may be a denial phase....and sometimes denial never fully goes away....however....i can sit here and tell you honestly...my dad tells me he doesnt drink...and is working....and as much as i am in denial that he is lieing...i know he is wrong....and i have to continue to check myself on that....i can go on and on and on...about emotional issues...and possibly some ideas that get people to believe you..but im not a lawyer...and im guessing you have one? If not get one....but i gaurentee that if your children say...please dont make me go back to them...something will happen in favor of you and the children....i was too young at the time...like 4 so....i was forced to visit the summer until i was 12 and then i had complete control if i wanted to see him or not...but pm me if you ever need to talk....i am here for you and i will try to help in any way i can...i promise....
love and good wishes, inny

[sabby]

HI mazie and welcome to PC.

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now. About the only thing that I can suggest to you at the moment is to write down your concerns. If you can, write down a timeline of incidents that have pushed you to where you had to leave. Have your daughter write down (or write what she says if she is too young to write it out herself) what she has witnessed. If need be, refer to what you have written, or even hand it to the judge to read.

Don't let your ex and his mother make you feel guilty for leaving, or that the reason you left was not a good one. You obviously have issues with them and the judge will see it for what it is. Letters from friends or family members are good too like inny suggests. If they can go to court with you to be moral support for you that's good too.

If you know in your heart you are doing the right thing, then go with it. Don't let them manipulate you to thinking it's all your fault, or that you are the one with the problem. Stand tall and stand strong for you and your children. You are their best advocate.

I'm sending you healing thoughts and strength to get through this difficult time.

Hugsssss
J