Finding closure

Hi, guys.

I've been wanting to get something out for a long time. Today, I called the rape crisis center in my county and asked what the process of filing is. It's been nine months today that it all started--but ended sometime in the summer. I was raped by a man in the barracks, but it continued to happen (mental abuse as well) and I was raped two more times, I realized.

There is no evidence, though I did catch him at one time via Kik, but since Kik is finicky about keeping logs, I canceled my meeting Friday to speak with the therapist, military liaison, CID, and police department. I cannot bring myself to face this man.

I can't even over come the whole Stockholm Syndrome, when it feels like it's "all my fault." Maybe I didn't say no enough, or maybe I flirted too much. Or I didn't struggle enough when he held me down. Or maybe it meant nothing when I liked him and forgave him.

I shouldn't have been so naive, but he shouldn't have been so manipulative and he shouldn't have taken advantage of me. In the end, I'm not sure what will bring me closure. I may go back tomorrow and see if I can file against him.

Estrella, (((hugs))). Be strong, there is no statue of limitation in the military. Go to the CID and file against him. And put in orders for a transfer ASAP. He deserves the MPs to take him away. And seek counseling in regards to this. If he did this to you he has done it to others. Who knows what other person you could be helping by coming forward. You are a very brave soul. You can get disability and an honorable discharge from the military. With a diagnosis of PTSD you will get a monthly income, did you know that? Get ahold of JAG, they can advise you further. Good luck and you are in my prayers... Respectfully E5 flygirl.

Okay, i got your clarification, you are not military, he is. Okay, thanks for the clarity. I understand and you have my empathy and my prayers... tc

You weren't naive to think that he was a good enough person not to be a criminal/rapist. Everyone walks around all day thinking the best of others around them. That's righteous. You aren't naive.

You know what was naive? That he thought there would be no recourse. That he thought he could take what he wanted and never face the music. That was downright moronic.

I hope you find the courage to face him and all the bureaucratic bs that you may have to go through to hold him responsible. It's important to help you heal, to be in your own corner and take the power back. It's important because your legal action can save other women from being victimized by this guy. Your actions may make the world a safer place.

You didn't do anything wrong, whether you flirted or didn't say no 20 times or struggle enough -- there is no grey area when it comes to consent. Consent is straightforward. Just because you give a man access to you doesn't mean you've given him consent. You were a female who found herself alone with a male who didn't respect your boundaries and forced himself upon you. There's nothing you could've done wrong there.

You are much stronger than you think you are.