[sujunew]

i was at the drs today about something very basic (allergic reaction) and 'the' question came up that I have been avoiding for nearly a year... have I been receiving all my recalls and reminders that my pap smear is overdue, and will we do it today? Up til now I have worried myself sick that I might get asked this during a consultation, but never gave it a thought today as it is so unrelated. Stupid computer files!! Had panic attack then said would make an appt for another time. It was the very 1st reminder that started the whole trigger process for me last yr; that brought up every memory and started the whole process into finding out 'the truth' and questioning my life. So really I guess, this is totally my biggest, HUGEST trigger and if it wasn't for that letter last yr I might not be where I am now (not a bad place but a very uncomfortable place in my life). So now I am thinking of avoiding the drs at all costs; well, unless it is crucial. Which also isn't a good thing esp as I have a physical condition requiring constant visits...Ok, so I am just confused and needed to write this out before I get to bed, which I have already avoided for the past several hours...Confused in every way... (drugs given today not helping here, feeling kinda spaced actually, head spinning etc lol). This is all prob not helped by my anxiety towards my t session coming up on monday. We started last time at looking at some stuff I wrote down during a period of dissociation. I had NO idea I had written what we went over last time, nothing to do with these issues but scary nonetheless, so am totally dreading what is next. I am ready and NEED to do this, but I have been having flashes of what I wrote, so have some idea of what i might be facing next. And this- my trigger- is central to this all, the crux of ALL of this; the precipitator to all that has occured this yr.

I really hope I can get some sleep before the kids wake. And p.s. IT IS SOOOO COLD AT THE MO!!! MIGHT INVEST IN AN ELECTRIC BLANKET TOMORROW LOL!!!!

[itspeaks]

I hope everything goes alright for you.

(((((irish)))))))

Are you feeling any better today? I hope so. So sorry you were triggered. Hoping you are finding some peace.

[Soidhonia]

((((((IRISH))))
I am very sorry that you were triggered today at the Dr office. I am not sure if you are aware or not but there are now home kits for paps at the drug store (CVS is just one store that carries the home pap tests). You do the test at home by yourself in the comfort of your own home. the tests cost around 15.00 but at least you will have a peace of mind doing the tests at home instead of having it done in the Dr office. Mind you it is a home test but if there is a problem then you can address the issue with the DR in performing another test Take care (((IRISH))). soidhonia

[sujunew]

tjanks for the posts, and sorry for not replying sooner (computer very sick!!). 1st up, soidhonia, as far as I know there are no home tests here in nz. Will do some ringing around tomorrow tho just to make sure. 2nd,a quick update. Went quite deep at my last t session. Everything is just too overwhelming at the moment, so I am using my usual and most effective coping strategy- blocking everything out as best as I can til I am in a space where I can deal with it. So basically I guess I am doing ok for now. (Blocked out everything while I was in t's office...went from SOOO tense, anxious and distressed to cool, calm and collected within moments. Worried my t no end til I told her what i was doing!!!).

[wickedwings]

i know exactly what you're talking about. i used to have a serious problem with pap smears. they elicited a lot of pain in that area and triggered my flashbacks. yes, things did get better over the years. especially, since someone invented a - i don't know what to call it - a thingy that goes in a small way and flips out while it's inside. i don't mean to be so detailed, but it very painless that way. from that time on, i asked doctors to use that particular equipment whenever i have a pap smear. if your doc knows that you have issues with this kind of test, he or she might understand and, maybe delay sending you those reminders for awhile until you get this worked out. i hope things go well for you.