[NeuroticallyNormal]

So, I will not go into specifics out of respect to my girlfriend, but I need help dealing right now...

My girlfriend was molested by two family members, one on each side of the family of a broken home. Well one happened with a child around her same age. That one was a secret. To everyone but me.

Well, her mother found out today about it, and I won't say how, but in a very malicious way by another human being which makes me so mad I am going to punch a hole through my wall. Now, her mother is freaking out, threatening to call the dad, which will cause WW3 in turns of family altercations. My poor sweet girlfriend has to be traumatized over and over and over again, and her own %#@&#! mother is making it worse by freaking out. These people have no sense of psychiatry. They think it's a joke. They have no clue what kind of misery they put my baby through.

I need to keep my girlfriend as calm as possible. I need to have the mother calm down. My girl, who is so strong you have no idea, is over there trying to get her not to call. I just worry that this is too much for her. This is an AWFUL time for this to be happening considering other things in our life right now. Please give advice.

[tranquility]

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NeuroticallyNormal said:

My girlfriend was molested by two family members, one on each side of the family of a broken home. Well one happened with a child around her same age. That one was a secret. To everyone but me.


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I'm not sure what you mean by the above? I understood the first sentence and got lost on the rest.

Tranquility

[NeuroticallyNormal]

The one which has been a secret until today was at a young age, but by a (not immediate) relative only a few years older. While I don't know if it's considered abuse, it adds a lot of emotions to the form of sexual abuse by an adult just a few years later.

Anyone with help besides just quoting me and asking questions? Sorry, I am kind of freaking out. I have anxiety and I really can't do anything right now. I live hours away at the moment. Should I call the mom and try to talk some sense into her?

[InACorner]

just make sure your gf knows your there for her....since your just the boyfriend (no offense please) you really dont have much of a say...but as long as you keep yourself strong and continue to support your gf....and perhaps offer her to go to personal therapy ...also make sure you listen to her...and ask her how she feels...and ask what you can do to make her feel better....i really dont know how old you are...however im sure her mother is not going to well calm down all that much until something happens....tell your gf to sit down with her mother and actually have a conversation with her .....whoever started this mess this pretty messed up...and perhaps your gf should pull this member aside and ask the reasons why it was exposed....it was bound to happen....now your girlfriend just has to handle it properly....good luck and let us know how it goes

[NeuroticallyNormal]

Personally, I don't see why it matters that we don't have rings on our fingers or a meaningless title giving me the right to stick up for her when being attacked by her ignorant mother. Since I'm just the "boyfriend", I should stay quiet? There is much more to this story, and I apologize if providing edited information for the sake of her was necessary. She cannot approach the person who revealed the secret, nor sit down and have a rational conversation with her mother. Those are two tough factors to this situation.

My girlfriend is doing fine by the way. I am staying strong, listening to her vent and offering all the support I can offer. I stayed up all night last night trying to wrap my mind around everything, and can honestly say I learned nothing from posting here, and noticed that many people viewed a post with someone in a panicked desperate state and did not bother to take two seconds to respond.

Sorry if this post is rude, but I found it odd for one of the psych forums, and will not be returning to this particular forum. Good luck to you all.

[pachyderm]

> noticed that many people viewed a post with someone in a panicked
> desperate state and did not bother to take two seconds to respond.

Some of us don't respond because we feel we don't have something helpful enough to say. (I am responding after NeuroticallyNormal said he wouldn't be back, so it's too late anyway.)

[tranquility]

I tried to help last night and asked a question because I couldnt understand the post and got a rude post back so I didn't bother.

Sounds like neurotic has some of his own issues - hope he gets the help he needs......

I'd advise getting you both help. It seems like she will need a stable nonpartial person to work through issues with, and you might need help reducing your stress too. If you are in college, you can get free therapy there. Best of luck.