Was this rape?

I'm a 15 year old guy. When I was 9-12 maybe even 13 a little bit. I think I was sexually abused. My mom and dad are divorced. My mom has custody and I visited my dad every other week. Well he had a girlfriend with a son from a previous relationship. They never married but he was essentially a step brother. My dad and his girlfriends kids lived together. My dad lived in a city with them and I lived in a small town with my mom 60 miles away from the city. So every other weekend my dad picked me up and took me to his house with his girlfriend and her kids. Anyway It went like that for like 5 years before they split because of relationship issues. I was so little everything is so vague I don't remember how it started out and I was so little. But this step brother was like a year older anyway we did sexual stuff. He sucked my penis without me asking and then he expected me to suck his back so I did. But I wasn't threatened in anyway or physically forced. I feel so gay and dirty but I'm not. I have another brother it happened to but it only happened once. My brother is 17 now and this kid is 16. But my brother threw up and he never did anything else. But this kid and me kept doing things. I don't know whether it was rape or not. I was sent to a residential treatment center for anger issues because I have ADHD and bi polar when I was 12 by my mom. I told them when I was there what happened (noone else knew except me and my brother). I was there for 7 months and released and I got to see my family for the first time. My mom and brother talked about it when I was in there because I told my mom when I was there. I or my brother haven't talked about it since and I don't know if I've dealt with it yet or not. My big question was I raped. I was innocent, I didn't know anything about sexual things or what we were doing. He found a porn movie and he would put it on every once and a while. I haven't talked to my dad in like 2 years because it happened at his house. He and her aren't together. But its not my dad's fault he didn't know about what happened. I recently started messaging him and I don't even know if he knows because the treatment center was in another state and we didn't press charges etc. But I think that they told the police where it happened and they told my dad I think. But I don't even know. Was I raped? I don't know. He new what we were doing I think. It makes me feel like I can never have any sexual experience s because of this. Please help

Hi, Jake - glad you are reaching out. And, I am so very sorry for what you have been through.

I am no expert, but if you were both young and you were not forced I'm not sure this would qualify under the definition of "rape." Sexual abuse, sexual molestation . . . not sure of the appropriate term. For you, you could have initially been a victim of normal sexual curiosity, but things went on for too long and I suspect that was the root of your anger issues. You probably just didn't have the mental ability at the time to understand it all. You are already several steps better off than so many young men that have been in your position - you have told people, thus not keeping it in which inevitably leads to even bigger issues later on.

So, I have found that a very good way for people to process their trauma is to educate themselves. If you are interested, here are 2 links:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse and Inappropriate sexual behaviour: Is it a sign of abuse? - AboutKidsHealth.

If you are unsure if your father knows and want to know for sure without asking him directly, request a copy of the police report. I am sure if your father has been informed, he is probably having trouble coming to terms with it - I would imagine it would be very shocking and dismaying to learn that this happened to his son.

Regarding your stepbrother, it is likely he is a sexual offender and this could have been going on with his other siblings and other children in the neighborhood. It still could be. Of course, I have no way of knowing for sure. Just how very, very unfortunate.

In any case, what happened does not make you gay. This is a common fear boys in your situation have. Remember, this is not something you sought out. You feel dirty because you feel shame for what happened - but, again, your stepbrother instigated this. It is not something you asked for. You were young. You did not have the capacity to comprehend what was really happening nor did you have the capacity to know how to deal with it.

Do you have a therapist to work through this with? It will take support and some time, but you can recover from this, you have it in you to do so.

You were sexually assaulted. I am so sorry; I hope you will find a therapist to help you.

I agree, I don't think it would legally and definition wise qualify as rape exactly, sexual assault or abuse, yes. And just because you weren't threatened physically, doesn't make it your fault. It sounds as though you were intimidated into doing something you didn't want to do. You sound as if you are dealing with a lot of guilt for allowing inappropriate behavior to happen, but keep in mind, you were a CHILD, darling, you were a child, you cannot expect yourself to have been able to comprehend or handle such an adult situation appropriately.

I hope you find a therapist that can work with you to eliminate the guilt and shame you are dealing with.

No, this is not rape. It's sexual assault, though.

Rape is penetration. Read this:
What is the difference between rape and sexual assault?

IMHO if he put any part of him, in any part of you, and you didn't want it to happen, then that is rape.

Either way it is just semantics. Someone touched you and made you do stuff you didn't want to when you were a young child. That has had knock on effects on your self esteem and family relationships as an adult - and it sounds like you need help to process everything that happened to you. I hope you get the help you need x

I'm sorry - I misread the part where he forced you to suck his member. That makes it oral rape.

In the UK people aged less than 16 are not, under the law, considered able to consent to any form of sexual touching, so yes you are the victim of a serious sex crime.

I urge you to seek specialist advice and help.

It was certainly sexual assault. I am, guessing that he was probably a victim of sexual abuse, considering that he was only a year older and was probably acting out his own trauma. Very sad for both of you, and I can see how troubling and confusing it is/was for you.

hi jake. I wasnt sure if you checked out the laws in your location about this so I did a quick google of your locations laws for you. based on the laws in your location what happened to you would not be rape and would not be sexual assault. the law says it has to be forced and your post says "But I wasn't threatened in anyway or physically forced."

that said in my location what happened to you would be called sexualized play. I remember many times when my relatives and I experimented in sex this way. some of those times affected me more than others. but still my location and culture called it sex play between children \pre teens\ teens.

i know that doesnt make you feel better. maybe you can contact a treatment provider who can help you with how you are feeling and I am sorry that this happened to you.