feeling stuck

married almost 20 years with two teen children, have dealt with a narcissistic husband that angers easily off and on. Yelling and f bombs. Has the flip very good husband and father side.

Most recently I got a flat tire a mile from the house while headed to pick up my daughter from her friends house. I know he was tired but arrived to help cursing and yelling at me, saying he has the right to be angry, said "I don't give a **** about your car, you can deal with it in the morning!" When we arrived home he said I should have called him and told him how sorry I was, should have said I'm so so sorry. I know I didn't do anything wrong as I accidentally went over a pot hole, I was not going to apologize. He was cursing that he got grease on his hands from the tire.

He has also been f bombing at my girls when he's frustrated and angry. He doesn't abuse us in a way that he calls us names or gets physically violent, he just has such a loud aggressive angry tone and carries on yelling when things could and should be discussed peacefully. Yelling and cursing are not my values.

My kids love us both so much. I've tried with him, therapy for a few months then he refused any more (a few years ago). It's so hard to just let these fits of anger slide off my back. He acts extra nice like nothing happened the next day. Flat out tells me that at his age he's not going to change. That's how he expresses himself when he's mad.
Now he's trying to call me cuddly nicknames and plan a special night out. This is all so obvious.

Sadly leopards spots don't change.
Have you considered getting your life, finances in order to live separately from him?
Might be the only way you'll ever have peace.

He has TOLD you he isn't going to change. So, what do you want to do with the rest o your life? Yes and the above poster stated....I would get my finances in order, etc., see an attorney (does'nt mean you have to divorce) ...see a therapist....ALONE, to figure out what to do.

This is verbal abuse. So, does he express himself that way with others? I will bet not, because they would call him on it. He does it at home, because there are no consequences.

What he is doing is called the "Honeymoon Phase." it will never end. Did you know that with verbal abuse alone, it can cause all kinds of illness? You are being physically hurt as well as your children. He keeps you around with his ambivalent behavior; when he is nice is very nice and when he is abusive he is horrible.

It is a nightmare merry-go-round. I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal abuse.