pedaphiles that abuse - tigger trigger

I wish that I could find it in my heart to forgive you, my pedaphile for the 3 long years that you abused me. I wish that I could forgive the school system that did nothing.

I am afraid that by not forgiving you that I put my own soul in jeophardy.. and I go back and forth between hating you and forgiving you.

The physical pain, the terrible awlful physical pain.. no child should be sodmized.. not over and over...

I find myself judging other males, by the influnce of you..
wondering "and YOU... YOU there are you a pedaphile?"

and I wonder... perhaps that is the thing that I cannot forgive the most.. maybe all men are like you? I do have to wonder.

so for now, I hate... maybe tomorrow, I forgive..

freewill, I can relate to your feelings. It took me six years in recovery even to give myself permission to begin showing anger at those who attacked me. I turned the anger in on myself long before and held on to it, as many survivors do. It was part of inappropriately taking responsibility for what was done to me. While I do not want to feel angry forever, for me, respecting my right to be angry forever about the deliberate and malicious attacks is important to respecting myself. Being angry with myself was owning responsibility for what was done to me. That was not healthy and certainly not deserved. Anger at my abusers is different. For me, it’s healthy to remain angry with them and they deserve it. Besides, they have never sought me out to ask for my forgiveness. Forgiveness would be for them, not for me. The anger is mine. For me, I do not have to forgive them to say good-bye to what they caused. I can become empowered without that.

be well,

mtd