[Doonney]

Does everyone who has been molested and raped feel that it is happening to them all over again Every Time they are intimate with their partner? Or is this just me? Something, I have to get over. I'm in my 30's now! Is this ever going to end?

[Meta]

(((((Doonney)))))

It does happen to some sexual assault survivors. Not all but some. It must be really hard to want intimacy when this happens to you. Have you tried talking to a therapist or counselor to see if this can be improved? It's bad enough that you had to endure sexual assault to begin with; it just seems so unfair that it has to keep hurting an important part of your relationship. I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

Meta

Yes this is apparently quite common, but can be greatly helped with the help of a good therapist. I found a very good book to read is "The courage to heal" by Laura Davis. It covers all aspects of reliving trauma. Good luck.

<font color="#000088">I'm almost 34,and I have the same problem.Everytime I would get intimate with any boyfriend of mine, it would feel like I was being raped all over again,but just in my mind,I knew I wasn't because I was with my boyfriend,but I would still freeze up,and go into flashbacks. The same thing happens when I go to the doctor for pelvic exams. So what I did to help that situation with the boyfriend that I had my longest relationship with,was I explained to him what had happened to me when I was young,and I told him about what it was doing when we would get intimate,and asked if he would talk me through it,so it would keep me in the here and now,and to be extra gentle,because of how rough it was when I was young.So he would talk to me while we were intimate,just saying how much he loved me,that kind of stuff,to help me know I was okay,and in the right hands.It really helped. I guess I was lucky to have a guy that understood,and was willing to do that for me.
I hope that helps you at all. </font>

i was abused from 8-15 and actually when i was younger and first getting into relationships yes it did bother me. but ilearned it was nevermy fault and i guess iswitched my mind of to that side of things. i enjoy sex, regardless of my past. some people find it hard i suppose, it's the partner as well i guess.

jinny xoxoxxoxox

[ChrisM]

Every time I am with my husband I go through hell, I see faces,flashbacks, noises, smells. All from when I was abused. I believe it is quite common. The pain is so hard to deal with~~ I feel for you ~~~ Chris

[Irine]

i had some flash backs myself first times. but i think that if ti continues happening, really you need to see a therapist.

[Neraklyn]

I also in my 30's go through the same thing over and over again too..I have a very understanding husband too but that dosen't take away the sick feelings I have or the painful memories that flash through my head...Allot of it has just resurfaced for me though and therapy has opened up allot of stuff that I have denied myself to ever deal with... I think we have to go through therapy and dealing with it and hopefully at the end of that road is some recovery if not like some suggested ways around the problems that were created for us as VICTIMS of this ABUSE...Best to all, Nerak