[Bassett Hound]

This past week I had some serious revelations. I'm 21 years old (female) and took until now for me to see some things that have happened in the past. I saw my T on Friday and told her about it. We "put it in a box" and I'm not supposed to take anything out until next Wednesday, when she can help me process it. We're doing this because it has been invading every single thought. Even know, the image of a purple tinted storage container is flooding my mind, not even the direct thought.

So yes, I'm breaking the rules for right now. I don't want my thoughts about what happened to be a lie, because it feels very ambiguous. I'm going to tell my story, so just know that the next few lines may be triggering for some.

When I was 8 years old, my neighbor was 13 years old. We'll call her R. She and I used to have a lot of sleepovers and played all the time. I also had two other neighbors, J and G. J was 12, G was 9. The four of us played all the time, especially house. One time I remember R made me suck on her breast as if I were the baby. J and I had to pretend to have sex. Granted, I was 8, but I had been exposed to sex way too early in my childhood because of my parents. I think this is part of the reason why I never thought of it as a big deal. Other times, R would make me and my little sister, 4 yo, drop our pants to prove to her that our vaginas weren't growing into penises. I remember more specifically her doing it to my sister. At this point, I can't remember if we were ever touched down there.

This is most of what I remember right now. I remembered these things literally this week, so it's possible there's a lot more to my story.

So based on these facts, is this considered sexual abuse? Molesting even though it was me on her breast? Is her just looking at us sexual abuse? I have so many thoughts and confusions, but honestly I think I'll be able to rest easier knowing what exactly this was.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Bassett Hound and welcome to Psych Central! I am no expert on this matter, but I want to say something! Do you feel sexually abused? I am thinking these behaviors could be more of child's play, sort of like playing doctor. I wouldn't think just looking by a same-sex child would constitute abuse. But let's see what your therapist says as more memories unfold.

[Bassett Hound]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi, Bassett Hound and welcome to Psych Central! I am no expert on this matter, but I want to say something! Do you feel sexually abused? I am thinking these behaviors could be more of child's play, sort of like playing doctor. I wouldn't think just looking by a same-sex child would constitute abuse. But let's see what your therapist says as more memories unfold.

It's not so much looking, it's when she would make me suck on her breast. She was of cognitive age -12 or 13 at least and I would be 7 or 8. And as I said, I'm still trying to remember a lot more. Plus pretending to have sex is not child's play. Taking care of a baby or playing doctor like you said is child's play. At that age I really should not have known what sex was in the first place. I guess my confusion is the ambiguity of it. And there comes an age where a person should no longer be looking at a child a certain way, right?

[Shaly78]

On the surface, it seems not all that bad, but as I know the surface becomes sort of a Pandora's box. Hopefully, your life after, the after affect isn't or manifestation of abuse even just as children isn't profound for you. Hope for the best in advance. I would talk with a T in this case.

[Bassett Hound]

Originally Posted by Shaly78

On the surface, it seems not all that bad, but as I know the surface becomes sort of a Pandora's box. Hopefully, your life after, the after affect isn't or manifestation of abuse even just as children isn't profound for you. Hope for the best in advance. I would talk with a T in this case.

Maybe it is a bigger deal for me and I'm being more petty about it. I wish I never brought it up to her because now I feel stupid and was already questioning what was going on.

[PumpkinPieHead]

Don't feel stupid love. This doesn't sound like any child's play I ever engaged in, but I was REALLY sheltered.

[Bassett Hound]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

Don't feel stupid love. This doesn't sound like any child's play I ever engaged in, but I was REALLY sheltered.

Thanks, that makes me feel better. I saw my therapist yesterday and felt encouraged. We're starting a workbook and she explained it covers something as simple as someone sitting too close to you and touching your hand or makes you feel uncomfortable all the way to recurring rape. Until we start that though, we're building distress tolerance because my anxiety has been through the roof to the point where I nearly throw up.

[Open Eyes]

Well, it sounds to me like this older girl "may have" siblings or was raised that breast feeding was just a normal part of being a mother. She may not have even considered that to be something sexual at all. Also, if a child becomes aware that parents have sex, it is not out of the realm of including that in child play as children do like to copy what they see or get the general idea of doing, but they may not know what it all means exactly.

It's a good idea to go slowly so your adult mind doesn't see things worse then they were in the child's mind that you and your friends had at the time.

[Bassett Hound]

I understand child's play. But a babysitter shouldn't engage in that type of child's play right? That's something two 5 year olds do...

[ruh roh]

I hate it when people say because you're all minors that it's not harmful. I had a sibling--12 years older--who blew it all off because he said he was "just a kid" even though he was 16-18 at the time. Anyway, 13 years old is too old to be playing like that with an 8 year old. She may have been abused herself--doesn't excuse her behavior, but it might explain it.

[TrailRunner14]

To me, the reaction to it is the main thing. To me, it was how you in that moment reacted to it. It could be, to you, a violation of your space. I understand that.

I stayed at people's homes when I was growing up and none of them were a safe place. What your mind perceived as wrong in that moment, I believe you should listen to.

Just my thoughts.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Open Eyes]

I had not realized this 13 year old was a babysitter. I agree that what she did was wrong. I actually did not like to have babysitters for my daughter but instead used my inlaws who I knew I could trust. 13 is still very young and imature, I babysat when I was that age but never considered doing anything like what you described of this babysitter doing.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Bassett Hound

This past week I had some serious revelations. I'm 21 years old (female) and took until now for me to see some things that have happened in the past. I saw my T on Friday and told her about it. We "put it in a box" and I'm not supposed to take anything out until next Wednesday, when she can help me process it. We're doing this because it has been invading every single thought. Even know, the image of a purple tinted storage container is flooding my mind, not even the direct thought.

So yes, I'm breaking the rules for right now. I don't want my thoughts about what happened to be a lie, because it feels very ambiguous. I'm going to tell my story, so just know that the next few lines may be triggering for some.

When I was 8 years old, my neighbor was 13 years old. We'll call her R. She and I used to have a lot of sleepovers and played all the time. I also had two other neighbors, J and G. J was 12, G was 9. The four of us played all the time, especially house. One time I remember R made me suck on her breast as if I were the baby. J and I had to pretend to have sex. Granted, I was 8, but I had been exposed to sex way too early in my childhood because of my parents. I think this is part of the reason why I never thought of it as a big deal. Other times, R would make me and my little sister, 4 yo, drop our pants to prove to her that our vaginas weren't growing into penises. I remember more specifically her doing it to my sister. At this point, I can't remember if we were ever touched down there.

This is most of what I remember right now. I remembered these things literally this week, so it's possible there's a lot more to my story.

So based on these facts, is this considered sexual abuse? Molesting even though it was me on her breast? Is her just looking at us sexual abuse? I have so many thoughts and confusions, but honestly I think I'll be able to rest easier knowing what exactly this was.

Hey Bassett Hound! Hope you're doing okay.

Alright, here's my opinion because this is something I feel strongly about, being a survivor of sexual abuse. My abuser was also 13, and I was 5. I really don't like how people think that, just because both people are minors, that means it's not sexual abuse. This isn't children playing doctor. I'd say that if the other person was your age but...no. Not in this case. I remember being 13 and not wanting to engage in ANY inappropriate behavior with a little kid. That wasn't even in my head.

Yes, I personally think what happened to you was sexual abuse. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Sexual abuse can also be emotional or verbal. What she did was a clear breach of boundaries. She was in a position of power as your babysitter and she abused that power. I'm very sorry you went through that. I wish you the best of luck!

[runlola72]

Please don't feel embarrassed. I have incidents like that from my past as well, and was terribly hurt by one ex-T who reeeally downplayed it. But it turns out that those incidents say a lot about me, and how I feel I can't say no, and the feeling of shame that rides along. It's hard to say what the kid's intentions were, and you'll never really know, so I would concentrate less on the labelling of the situation, and more how it made you feel. (hugs)