[Sabrina]

I have an enormous issue with things that stink or smell bad .......... my home ... my bathroom .... any area around me ..... but most especially .........me!!!!!

I cannot bear odour (perceived or otherwise) on myself in any way!

I deodorize and wet-wipe all the time.

I have only recently learned that my late father used to tell me -when I was about 3 years old - "Go away, you stink".

This was shared with me during a recent family gathering - all in good fun - no hard feelings intended.

As I wasn't deeply close with my father and as I have no recollection of him doing this to me, I never thought there was an issue.

However ............ recently I have begun to think about my obsession (I use that word lightly) with smells and myself smelling .... and I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with what my father (apparantly repeatedly) said .....

Any thoughts?

[damajdancer]

well personally i dont think it matters if you stink! you are still you! i can kind of relate...when i was little my dad would always tell me that it isnt ok to cry...and im a bad person for crying. ever since i cant cry in front of people...it doesnt matter how much i need to cry, i wont let myself.
but it gets a bit better(in my opion)i have cried in front of certain people and felt fine with it. but i hope things get better for you.
(((( hugs ))))

[tranquility]

I absolutely think that it could be from him saying that to you!

My abuser used dove soap on me so I still to this day can't stand the smell. Until I remembered all that I never knew why I hated it so much!

Tranq

[Sabrina]

Thank you damajdancer. Well, I don't stink but I was wondering about the relationship between what I feel and what my father said. I am ok with it though and was interested in other opinions. I am glad that you have been able to make some progress with crying and hope that you continue to grow.

[Sabrina]

Thanks for your post Tranquility.

I am sorry for what you had to go through.

It was so ironic though ... when my father died - I was at his bedside and held his hand as well as stroked his forehead and he smelled so strongly of dove soap. It stayed on my hand until the next day. It is a memory I will never forget.

I hadn't even thought about that until your post.

A lot does make sense now.

[tranquility]

Isn't it funny how things can touch people's lives in such different ways? Thanks for sharing!

Tranq

well a certain smell.. combination of really bad breath and breath mints bring back... memories of my abuser.. it takes just the right combination.
It was diffcult, I worked with a man.. not every day thank goodness.. but he had the same "smell".. it wasn't like I thought beforehand when I saw him..
The smell "sunk" into my consiousness, I felt uneasy, then I had to concentrate and the knowledge would came to me...was a difficult thing.

My grandma was the most beloved person in my life, I lost her when I just turned 17.. She smelled always of "lilly of the valley", that smell always makes me feel so peaceful and safe..not sad..

[Sabrina]

I am glad that you have a smell that makes you feel peaceful and safe! That is very comforting!

[wickedwings]

i had a problem with a certain smell and taste that i will not say because i don't want to cause a trigger. it involved something intimate, and when i tried it for the first time ever since my abuse, i couldn't do it. in the morning, the memory of that event came rushing to me so strong that i found myself puking on the porcelain god. for months, i would be suddenly gagging for no reason, until i got this under control through therapeutics techniques i learned through therapy and self-help books. i still, to this day, cannot do this action because i will end up gagging and puking. i so understand this problem, and i know how weird it can be at times.