Question from a newbie

Hello.
I have a very dear friend who is DID.
One of her alters is opening up about the abuse that happened to her...and how it's haunting her.
How do i help, and what advice should i give her if any? Should i ask questions about what happened?
At the minute i just listen and offer safe cyber hugs. She has a T, but seems to be struggling right now. I feel totally inadequate as a friend. I'm honoured that she trusts me enough to tell me this stuff, but don't think that i'm really helping.
The things that have happened are horrific, and she is still in touch with at least one of her abusers. How do i help my friend cope?
M

Hi Myrtle!

Welcome to the forums. I wish I had all the answers for how to help your friend, but I don't think anybody can tell you exactly how. I think first of all, just the fact that you listen, support, believe, and care about her is the best thing you can do for her. Stay behind her.

I'm a psychology major planning on specializing in trauma. I've read a lot of books on DID, and from that experience I can tell you this- DID is TOUGH to live with, and therapy is also a long and hard process, particularly for this disorder (and those are massively enormous understatements).

I reccomend reading a book or two on the subject to gain understanding. Talking about the trauma without their therapist present may or may not be a good idea for your friend(s) (are you acqainted with the other personalities?). That depends a lot on where they are in their therapy and how they are able to cope with discussing their abuse.

One I reccomend is "The Dissociative Identity Disorders Sourcebook" by Deborah Haddock. It's available through Barnes & Noble. It has information for people with DID, their loves ones, and therapists. It would be a good idea to reccomend this book to your friend(s) also, I think. I might help them understand what they are going through, or at least help one or some of them if nothing else. Although it's a bit clinical in tone, it's very straightforward and easy to read, and would make a great introduction to DID without being triggering (in case you have your own abuse history and a potential to be triggered). There are other books on DID that will give you a more personal view. They are listed below:

(Rather than warning you for each and every book, let me just say now that EVERY one of these stories contains very graphic and potentially triggerring material. There are accounts of really severe and sadistic emotional, physical, and sexual abuse inflicted on these people in childhood. It's pretty much impossible to find a book on DID that doesn't contain that sort of thing, since it's a trauma-related disorder. These will not be light reading material, but they certainly have a LOT to offer in terms of understanding abuse, DID, and people in general I think. Personally, I think they are worth the risk and heartache involved in reading them. But you'll have to make that call for yourself, whether or not you are ready and able to deal with such powerful and horrible stuff).

"The Magic Daughter" (I can't remember the author's name, but if you decide you want to read it and can't find the name, just post a message on here and I'll get it to you) This book is written by a person with DID and discusses a lot of the "logistics-" the difficulties and confusions of living with DID. A good introduction into some of the "technical" things a person with DID experiences. I don't remember it being quite as emotionally-wrenching as some others, but it definitely has some intense parts. I would reccomend it.

"The Flock" by Joan Frances Casey. Gives the story of a client with DID and her therapist, who engaged in "reparenting therapy." This book is a tear-jerker to say the least. Have your tissues handy. It will definitely shed some light on the experience of both the client and the therapist in working with DID. "Reparenting therapy" is a controversial but not uncommon method for dealing with DID, as well as other trauma-related issues. This is one of my favorites.

"First Person Plural: My Life As A Multiple" by Cameron West, PhD. This is the first book by Cameron West, a psychologist who once had DID and is now integrated. He worked on his PhD during the course of his therapy. It discusses finding out about his disorder and the hell he and his family experienced as he went through therapy. It gives an exploration of what it's like to be the loved one of a person with DID, so you may find this one something that you can relate to. His wonderful wife, Rikki, was a HUGE support to him. I think I would reccomend this be one of the first books you read.

"When Rabbit Howls" by The Troops for Trudi Chase. The Troops for Trudi Chase are still multiple. They chose not to integrate, but instead to work cooperatively as a system. This book is confusing. Very, very good. Terrified me at times, though, to be quite honest. (It was only the second book I read on DID and it's GRAPHIC in it's depictions of abuse). Because it is written by many selves, it gets a bit confusing here and there. However, it gives a rare and incredible glimpse into the INTERNAL experience, the inner workings of the DID clients' "system." It's a major page-turner, and a heart-breaking piece as they all are, really. Very intense, easy to become enthralled in. I would reccomend reading other books before this one, to get a basic intro to DID before reading this.

"Sybil" by Flora Rheta Schreiber. This is the classis DID case everyone knows about. A very interesting read, and a look at the mind of Sybil as a child. By far the most graphic and difficult to handle book I've read in terms of sexual abuse. It wouldn't be my most highly reccomended book, but it does have some stuff in it that's really good to understand so I wouldn't necessarily say absolutely not to read it either.

Anyway, I think I've given you a lot of stuff there, eh? Food for thought if nothing else. If you have any questions about DID, please feel free to post again. The people on this forum will support and help you through this, and your friend too if she or any of her alters would like to visit the forum. Good luck! And best wishes to you, your friend, and to her alters.

SC


"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown