Burning

It's a feeling that never goes away. You can chalk it down to rage or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that it's there. I'm unsure whether or not this is something that is a common thread among this forum or if it's just me. I burn and desire so much for a fight. It's like an unrelenting call to arms, though there's no war to fight, or win for that matter. I've tried to calm it, silence it, domesticate it to avail. I've felt this ever since I was a kid, before double digits. Why do I crave the abuse and chaos similar to my upbringing? I got out; why do I want it back? It makes no sense.

We tend to try and repeat the past....to fix it.....it is what you knew/know.

You are not alone. I used to look for battles to fight, but I always preferred battling *for* other people rather than against them...and I think nicoleflynn is correct in saying that has to do with trying to fix my past or to at least try to help protect myself and others from more of the same. But yes, that kind of drive is what used to get me up in the morning and keep me going almost every day of my life.

Everything about the person we are is a combination of genetics (the temperament you are born with) and our environment. Unfortunately, maybe your environment when you were young taught you to fight in order to survive (be your own person, protect yourself?). When you do this it is important to understand the things we do sort of unconsciously as a result of our upbringing. In my case, I'm really not a fighter, I tend to withdraw when I am around threatening people. I admire people who fight for the right things. Have there been times when your tendency to fight has served you well or helped others? I am guessing that there were. (Though it undoubtedly has gotten you into trouble as well.) Maybe as you get older, you will have more success calming this tendency when it is counterproductive. However, there will to be times that it may serve you well. Some of my favorite leaders and supervisors were fighters! People who fight for good things are awesome!!

Yes,it is a fixture of what we were used to,miserable as it was,we
want it back,it soothes us. Why? well we transformed it into love
when it happened originally,we could not bear the truth,so we changed it into love;so every time we seek love+care we create the past of misery we changed into love.So simple,I know,but it was all little you could do . . . . .

I also think that we tend to try to repeat the past (often unconsciously) to try to fix it (as the other poster said, it's what we knew )