[QueenCopper]

My therapist and I realized I have to deal with my trauma one event at a time. It started when my mother said it was OK for my cousin to touch me. She said it was childhood experimenting. As an adult I do not agree with that. He put things inside of me, touched, me and made me touch him for several years. I realize now it was not right! That was not my fault! What he done to me was in no way my fault and it was not childhood experimenting. It was painful, I was afraid and I did not know what to do. I will now have to discuss what happened and I am afraid that I will not be able to hold back my tears. Then I will be even more embarrassed. My T says one step at a time.

I think at the beginning when I learned to hold back the tears may be a good place to start.

[Artchic528]

Wow, that must have been very difficult for you to deal with.

Oh, and for future reference, there's a trigger icon you can use when making a new thread, it's the red circle with the black "X" in it. It should be available for selection below the box where you write your posts in before submitting.

[QueenCopper]

Thank you! I fixed it. �� (well sort of)

[Artchic528]

Yeah, I'm sure a Mod or Admin will be along shortly to make the trigger icon visible elsewhere besides just on this page.

In the meantime, I do find that a good long cry sometimes makes me feel better somehow. Its like the sadness washes away with the tears. However, sometimes I just wind up in a super sensitive mood after a good cry and anything and everything triggers the return of my incessant sobbing of that day. Nothing a good night's sleep can't fix, or a daytime nap at the very least.

I hope you'll be able to work through this somehow.

[Frankbtl]

Hi QueenCopper

You certainly show some real impressive insight here:
".........As an adult I do not agree with that...........I realize now it was not right! That was not my fault! What he done to me was in no way my fault and it was not childhood experimenting. It was painful, I was afraid and I did not know what to do..........." so massive kudos to you!!

And..........it's OK if you can't hold back the tears when talking about it..........what happened to you was wrong, wasn't your fault, should never have happened to you...........the hurt, and the tears if you do cry, are completely understandable........and you have a right to feel hurt.........so please try not to feel embarrassed..........you have nothing to feel embarrassed about IMO And, one step at a time sounds good, just work through things with your T at your own pace, whatever/however is right for you

Alison

[QueenCopper]

Thank you. Although I think this is a good thing I believe it is going to be tough for a while. �� I just keep telling myself I have to do this.