I recently just got over my "denial" about sexual abuse. I had a few memories for about three years that I never talked about because I was unsure about if they were true. I finally told my therapist after she drilled me. She said I had many signs of abuse with one being my precious knowledge about sex at a young age and a comment that I made about my dad when I was 8. Everything seemed to be making sense.

Until Today. I talked to my mom and she finally told me that when I was young I told her that I had found out these things through another child. This was so suprising. What does this mean about my other memories?

I don't know what to do or what to think. I feel so ashamed at having told those memories to my therapist and possibly thinking bad things about my dad. I definately want to take them back as I don't want them to be true anyways. I have no idea what all this means.

What should I do?

[alm15]

Hi! Having memories and telling someone about them is hard and confusing. Remember that your Mother doesn't want it to be true, so she might not be a reliable source. The more you work, the more what really happened will become clear. You're doing what you need to to get healthy. There's nothing wrong with that. You wrote that everything seemed to be making sense. I would trust that. When I have that feeling I know I'm on the right path.Try to let it come. I know it's really hard and scary, but you are an adult and you can handle it, what ever the truth may be. Good luck to you and keep up the great work! Annie

Thanks Ozzie and Alma. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it when she returns.

BTW. In my post I typed precious but meant precocious.

[dalila]

Has taken me years to understand and remember that had happened to me i was a toddler when I was abused. The knowledge and behaviors don't just pop up out of nothing or just a conversation. Memories from those early years are hard to get at and hard to deal with and your mother wouldn't be the first parent to be in denial. It is also possible that you were sounding out mom with that story and found that she was not someone you could tell about the abuse.

Whatever the truth is, something happened or you wouldn't have the signs of it. If the memories were not accurate they are still your memories and you needed to deal with them. I can't imagine a better person to help you with them than your therapist.

Be patient with yourself and the process. Be sure to fill your therapist in on your mother's comments and your feelings about them.

Love in Him,
Dalila

[SweetCrusader]

I think there is a strong possibility that your mother is in denial about the abuse. I can't say I know for sure, because I don't know your mother. But this is a common reaction of families when this sort of thing happens. My mother was sexually abused by her older brother as children. She never told her mom about it, but her other brother came forward and said, "hey, he did this." The brother who molested her admitted to it fully. My grandmother still downplays and denies it, even though he admitted to it himself! She just can't seem to handle it. Your mom might be doing something similar. I would talk it over with your therapist. Hopefully she (he?) is skilled in working with this sort of thing and can help you sort it out and work through it, even if you're never entirely sure what exactly happened. Memory is tricky that way! One thing to keep in mind is that a therapist knows enough to know how tricky memory can be, and they shouldn't judge you if you think something is a memory and it turns out to be false. Also, therapy is your forum for discussing your feelings with free reign, where you don't have to worry about whether or not you've given your therapist the wrong impression about this or that person. What is important there is not how the therapist feels about your family, but how he or she helps you cope with how YOU feel about them. Good luck!
(((((((((((((((((((((4 U))))))))))))))))))))))) <---- only if ok with you

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
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