the "dictionary" in abusive families

How many of us can relate to these definitons? If you're nodding your head and thinking, "Yep, that's the way it was when I was growing up," I'd venture to guess you came from an abusive family.

Authority: What I have that means I get to treat you any way I want to.

Backtalk: Also called sass, lip, getting smart, and mouthing off. Any statement made by a child (see definition) that disproves or disagrees with something I just said.

Behave: Also called being good. Follow all rules (see definiton) without question.

Child: A second-class citizen with no rights, no choices, no opinions, and emotions not worthy of acknowledgement. Specifically: 1.) Anyone under a certain age. 2.) Anyone who lives in my house, age irrelevant. 3.) Anyone I brought into existence, age and housing irrelevant.

Child Abuse: 1.) Any treatment that is more severe than something I would do myself. 2.) A non-existent "crime" invented by a liberal, godless government, designed to make God-fearing parents look bad.

Family: Something that must be kept together at all costs, no matter how miserable the individuals within it are.

Love: 1.) The reason I give to justify use of punishment (see definition). 2.) Something that cancels out mistreatment, as in the statement, "Yeah, but he didn't mean it, he really loves me."

Permissiveness: The inexcusable concept of allowing a child (see definition) to think, feel, or make decisions.

Punishment: My reaction to your violation of any rule (see definition). May range from insult to injury. Subject more to my whim and mood than to your infraction, but always your fault because you violated a rule.

Respect: 1.) Something that, when you want it, I tell you has to be earned. 2.) Something that, when I want it, I get or else.

Rules: The things you must obey in order to avoid punishment (see definiton.) Specifically:

1.) Do as I say, not as I do, immediately if not sooner.
2.) Never cry, get angry, come to me with your problems, or call attention to your own existence in any way.
3.) Never make a mistake.
4.) Always agree with me, even in your own private thoughts.
5.) Anything else I may decide to come up with on the spur of the moment.

Yes. I relate. Thanks for this post!!!

right on the money!!!

recluse1

Does anyone have any additions to the dictionary?