A WOMAN"S Dictionary

A Woman's Dictionary

1. <font color="red"> "Fine" </font>
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "Fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. <font color="red"> "Five minutes" </font>
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. <font color="red"> "Nothing" </font>
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. <font color="red"> "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) </font>
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "Five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. <font color="red"> "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) </font>
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. <font color="red"> "Loud Sigh" </font>
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. <font color="red"> "Soft Sigh" </font>
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. <font color="red"> "Oh" </font>
This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

9. <font color="red"> "That's Okay" </font>
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. <font color="red"> "Please Do" </font>
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. <font color="red"> "Thanks" </font>
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. <font color="red"> "Thanks A Lot" </font>
Dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

that sound so good i wonder if we print them out and pin them up the men in our lives will learn them

Men should memorize these, it would make life a lot easier. Thanks for sharing this.

That is awesome..and so true.
I use fine all the time in those situations..except imagine it in a high pitched extremley southren accent..and that would be me. LOL

wow....that is soooo true...

mine... follows:

"well ok then...."
go ahead.... but at your own risk.. cause... there will be.. risk...cause.. I not be happy with it all...

See, when I communicate with members of the opposite sex, I'm very straightforward. I don't use any of these words, but some things I DO say that keeps him on his toes (just so I'm sure he's not pulling what he says out of thin air):

"How do you figure?"
"Do explain."
"What do you mean?"
^Any variant of the above^

And perhaps the most dangerous:
"Excuse me?"