I found this article extremely helpful.

https://lonerwolf.com/emotional-abuse/

1. Control and Domination.

• They may control your money and your spending.
• They may treat you as an inferior person.
• They may make you feel small by reminding you of your faults and shortcomings.
• They may make you feel as though they’re always right, and you’re always wrong.
• You may feel the need to “get permission” for every thing you do, or decision you have to make.
• They may give you disapproving, or condescending looks and comments.
• They may “chastise” you, and treat you like a child.
• They may control where you go, who you interact with, and/or what you do.
• They’re excessively possessive and jealous.

2. Isolation and Neglect.

• They may have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions. Instead, they deflect the blame onto you.
• They may have no regard for, and no interest in, the way you feel.
• They may use “the silent treatment” to punish you.
• They may withdraw affection from you to punish you.
• They may become deliberately emotionally distant from you for long periods of time.
• They purposely neglect to share important pieces of information with you.
• They may neglect to give you privacy, or purposely disrespect your boundaries.

3. Bullying and Humiliation.

• They may call you names, or label you.
• They may belittle your success and triumphs.
• They may mock, impersonate or otherwise talk to you in sarcastic ways.
• They may accuse you of things that you never did.
• They may degrade or subtly humiliate you in front of other people.
• They may frequently make jokes at your own expense.
• You may feel intimidated or scared when voicing an opinion.

[eskielover]

Interesting, after trying hard to work together with my ex- H for years & hand hold him through the process of getting out of debt & just try hard to be married to him, I can see where the relationship degraded into needing to control & dominate after he destroyed us financially when I got sick & needed him to take over the financial responsibility & he failed miserably & there was no way I could trust him. Before finally leaving & even after for awhile from 2100 miles away I needed to control & dominate from a financial standpoint (which overflows into other areas)

I can see how SADLY sometimes circumstances degrade into abuse before finally getting fed up enough to leave.....& it depands on ones personality whether to quietly accept until leaving or to fight for ones own life.....which actually does result in abusive behaviors when fighting back because no other skills are known how to handle the situation.

It's almost like.....Yod did this to me.....I have no choice than to respond this way

Sadly no matter how one looks at it the actions come across as abusive no matter what the reason for the behavior.

Interesting thoughts this brought up when it felt like self-defense.

From that list above, I can easily insert my parents, ex-boyfriends, and ex-friends in how they treated me.

When I bought my first car I was 18. My dad refused to let me pay the lender directly. He demanded that I write HIM a monthly check in my car payment amount. Didn't make sense to me at all. When I told him I didn't trust him, he would scream at me, then get my mom to scream at me, and would threaten to drive my car back to the dealership. That was not normal behavior at all. He definitely treated me as an inferior person.

When I accepted a job abroad after college, my mom invited my cousins over for a party. But instead of being happy for me, she used the party to openly shame and criticize me for taking the job abroad and belittle me for being excited that I got accepted to teach abroad for a year. She did to me until the day I left. At the airport, as I was about to board my plane, in front of my siblings and my two friends who came with me to the airport, she threatened me that she'd tell everyone in the family I was a loser, that she would disown me. It was ridiculous. Just ridiculous. I still got on the plane and had a great adventure for a year. But who the hell acts that way with their own grown child? A mentally ill parent, that's who.