[psychette]

i don't know how to handle the emotional/mental abuse anymore. I've tried everything over the years & I have run out of options... I don't know what else to do. Everyday I feel more & more worthless, misunderstood & its destroying me. This is a description of what happens everyday.... This is yesterday...
We wake up and he asks what Im going to do today. I tell him there's some yard work I need to do before it snows, the usual daily house cleaning & that I wanted to work on decorating for the holidays. He responds with instant irritation saying, " don't you think there's better things you could be doing with your time? " so I ask him like what, he doesn't respond so I ask him what's wrong with me doing those things & he gets so angry starts yelling about why do I always have to argue with him and how he's so fed up with me going against what he says ext...
So I start getting ready for my day putting on makeup like I do everyday and he starts pointing out how much time I waste looking in the mirror & then questions me again about my plans for the day saying he doesn't believe me because I'm making it look like I'm being sneaky about something be cause im putting makeup makeup. At this point he is even more angry and now he's telling me how he just don't know about me and that I can't be trusted and how I'm careless, disrespectful, sneaky, and that there's something wrong with me cause I just can't do anything normally and he's sick of my ******** then he walks out the door.
He's gone all day, doesnt answer my calls or respond to texts and finally shows up at 1 am. . he comes home and starts questioning me about where I went and what I did and starts complaining about how he can look around and see that I do nothing and starts pointing out what he says is wrong with me. I ask what hisbpriblem is he yells at me for arguing and says im just pushing him out the door he leaves and comes back like nothing happened.
Everyday he attacks who I am as a person puts my character into question and is so disrespectful in everything he says or does to me. We've been together for 12 years and he treats me like I'm a piece of **** everyday but says he loves me. How do I respond to this

[Amyjay]

Well, he sounds like a fun guy to be in a relationship with, doesn't he?
I guess this isn't quite what you pictured when you first started dating him?
Not exactly your "happily ever after"?

This is who he is. There is nothing you can do about how he acts and what he says. He says and does what he wants. What is in his heart. This is what he has to offer you.

How do you respond?
Well, you can't change him. So, you can either accept this as "your lot" in life, or decide this isn't how you want to live out the remainder of your earthly days.

You can choose a different life for yourself than this one. Life is a multiple choice event and there are so many possible different paths.

[TrailRunner14]

Take a deep breathe.

Think about what you want for your life.

Go for it!!

Do it!!

I’m telling this to you and myself too.

YOU are worth so much more than you believe and you deserve more.

Breathe deeply and see in your minds eye the best for you and believe what you see.

Go for it!!

[nicoleflynn]

You DO NOT respond. Responding to abuse validates the abuser. They want you to continually justify yourself and explain yourself; they are emotional vampires and need their fix; their fix is you responding. I strongly suggest the book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. If you feel you must respond to something; just say....Oh, I see that's what you think/feel. They will still want to argue.....don't. he says he loves you. That is a lie; love doesn't hurt; love isn't abuse. He isn't going to change so you will have to make a decision whether you want to continue to live with abuse. I left after 31 years of abuse; that book saved my life. This is all about control.

[Healing heart]

The way your respond is that you tell yourself you deserve better and you deserve to be with someone who treat you with respect and love.
You can't change him, what you can do it to make sure you don't allow this kind abuse to continue because it can escalate into a worst situation. Verbally abuse can escalate into physical abuse.
Your need to think about if this is how you want to continue living your life or if you want to choose a life filled with respect, understanding and love.
Hope things will ger better for you and take care.
You are not alone.!😀😀