I feel so desperate

Hi all.
This is my first post here. I am writing here because I feel utterly desperate and scared and have no one to talk to right now.
Basically I told my m about my b abusing me. I had already told her, and she already knew anyway, all along. I also said that I had remembered everything i.e the other abuse that i suffered too, which she knew too. She said that she doesn't believe me (she KNOWS it is true, she saw some proof years ago). She covered up all along. And she said that I am mad basically, and lots of other things to scare me. Such as essentially, that I can move out ( I have nowhere to go have ptsd and am ill). Or said that I have to confront my b (I am estranged from him) and that we should have a 'family meeting' but that I don't want that because I don't want to 'resolve it' . No, I want nothing to do with my family. My m is a narcissist, has emotionally abused me for years and is extremely manipulative and so it has left me very very scared. Because she will DESTROY me now. She has already done that in the past when I spoke. And I am so so scared. I was shaking for ages after. I feel I have failed to express how I feel. I feel so alone and so scared and so trapped. I do not know how to cope with the fear as it is so intense and it is from experience. I wish I hadn't said anything. I feel I have thrown myself straight into the wolves mouth. If any of you have any comforting words or have experienced similar, please tell me, it would really really help.

Hello Petals: I'm sorry you are experiencing so much fear & despair. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Welcome to PC sorry about your family

Hi nmp. It seems like your mother can't face the truth about the family. For whatever reason that is too much to bear and she needs to defend it by shredding it to pieces. She needs to not face it so much that she is willing to shred you to pieces too if that is what it takes to stop her from having to deal with it.
My own mother did this to me too.
Your mother's need to not not face the truth is impelling her to completely disregard your needs and rights and wants. To the point of emotional abuse. To the point of non-protection. To the point of sacrificing your development, your health, your well-being, your safety. Mothers are not suppposed to do that. Yet here she is doing just that, just like my own mother did before her. Your mother is doing this because at this point in time she doesn't have the skills to cope with it any other way. It is so wrong. As your mother she should be hearing you, comforting you, and protecting you. But she isn't. Because she can't. That is just how it is. It is one of the most abandoned and devastating positions to be in, but that is just how it is in your family, right now.

I so wish someone had been able to tell me what was what was going on back when I was going through it. Instead I took on the role of the wrong one, the bad one, the one that hurts the whole family, the one who causes all the pain.
It wasn't my fault at all. But I unconsciously took on that role so my mother didn't have to face anything. I took on that role so my abusers didn't have to face anything. I took on everything for everyone so that family life was able to go on as "normal".
But normal in our family was that anyone got to abuse whomever they wanted, and everyone shut the **** up about it.

nmp, after telling my mother (again) and her squashing me (again) I took on the role of the family fall guy for 10, 20, 30 more years. I am still doing it. My whole life has been spent hiding their secrets. One of my abusers indecently assaulted me less than a week ago. In a room full of family members.

Don't be another me. Life it far too precious to spend like... this. Your mother isn't not hearing you/not protecting you/not supporting you because you are wrong or bad - she is not doing those things because she can't. She just can't. And nobody can make her. YOU are worthy, YOU are valuable, YOU are somebody worth protecting, worth listening to, worth being heard, worth keeping safe. Don't be like me. Whatever you do, don't be like me.
Be you. Look after you. Put yourself first at this time in your life, right now, because for the sake of the rest of your life, NOW is the time you need somebody to put you first the very most. Be that person for you. Stand up for you and say "Well I am going to protect me" and then do whatever that means. Whatever that means.

I want to thank you for having the courage to write this post, to reach out for help here. You have gvien me the chance to write to myself, to tell myself what I needed to hear back then. To tell myself what I still need to hear today.

You are worthy. You are capable of healing, of finding the right support and and a new path, and creating the life that you want, instead of being condemned to live out the life you have been given.

Don't be like me.
Be like you. Be FOR you. You need you.

Sadly, some parents will choose to remain in denial;there is nothing yuu can doabout it. You spoke the truth and she refused it. Perhaps consider seeing a mental health professional; it can help immensely. xo