What do you do....

when you've been married a long time and sex was once wonderful. We both put on wieght, it others me, not my hubby (about his weight I mean)he says me putting on weight doesn't bother him, but my body image makes me feel sick, I hate my body, my face, everything. I know I should love myself, dont tell me to try, i've had it drilled into me not to love myself for far too long.
My husband watches porn, or did til I found huge amounts of it and told him how it upsets me.

I feel I cant match up to the images he's looking at, it got to the stage we never had sex cos all he was doing was watching porn. This did not do my self esteem any good whatsoever. He has always had porn, each time I threw it in the bin he would hide some more.

I feel unattractive, rejected, unwanted and just cant get over this feeling. I also found pictures of naked or semi naked females he'd stolen from his last place of work, said his mates were having a laugh. I dont find it in the least funny, why did he keep them in his briefcase? I just want someone who will accept me for who I am. Isn't it obvious he doesn't fancy me anymore? I'm still the same person, just more of me. Please don't tell me to lose weight, I try, I have an underactive thyroid too which doesn't help. I'm not massively fat or anything, but even if I was, isn't love supposed to be unconditional? The images he was looking at were younger women and that makes me feel just great NOT

I AM SO UNHAPPY AS USUAL. I HAD TO POST THIS it has been bothering me for some time. I think this problem is bothering me as much as my past issues.

I know men use porn, but to the extent it is blocking out real flesh and ruining a relationship?????????



metime/jinny very angry. some of you may call me a hypocrite, so be it I've had enough. I was always the loyal one until he had an affair 18 months after marriage. He broke my heart.

flirting online makes me feel good, at least I get some attention

Lets start from the end >>>> Flirt online is a mental place we may find relaxing to the soul,,, and to make a place in our minds that blocks out a pain or a spot in time ... Can never ever be bad . Especially if we may find a smile when we are sad.

Now the other thing (( awkward moment )) (( looks down)) (( shuffles feet ))>>>>>>>> Jin guys to go through places in time that make them look in the mirror and not sure if they still have what it takes to re-capture youth. It is not always a stray away thing either. It is a might bit depressing,,,,,, to grow old. But it is a part of life and accepting it for all is hard. For me it has taught me the beauty of the spoken word..And there is where I can repaint the canvas. And remember men are visual and women are Romantisists. Take the time maybe to see if hubby can come to an area you wish for to see in his heart of romance ,, heart ,, and in-touch with the fatherly instincts.... Then ask him to be your rock. Best I can say. If it made any sense ?

bless you wm, I have asked, I'm always asking, he is a good man, but I dont know if this is going to work, maybe cos I am in a bad place, maybe cos I crave affection and he finds it hard to give, been here too many times, I just dont know any more, he tries, he hugs me if I ask, but sometimes I dont want to ask, sometimes I just want a hug wothout asking. It's my prolem because I am needy right now, quite a turn off I suppose from a mans point of view

idk

Jin

Well, I ve been married 35 years this January. When I got married I was 145lbs, she was 110lbs.
Today is a different story. I'm 215, a bit larger that when I was younger but, I'm pretty solid, I work out a lot. My wife is about 160 and she always is fretting about her weight. I don't really care about it because she is my friend and lover. I'm a flirt too. I like looking at pretty women but, I don't do any kind of porn. Pictures of women I know I'll never have don't do a thing for me. I'm a man of action. I like interacting with live people. A movie or picture can't love you back and self gratification is for young boys. Why waste what little time I have left here on earth in fantasyland.
as far as not being in love, well it goes in ebbs and tides. Sometimes it's overwhelming and sometimes it is not even there but commitment is what should keep it together.
My wife and I have been through so much that to pick up and leave is out of the question. Reflect on your life and remember what brought you together in the first place, if it was just good looks and sex then there isn't much for that relationship to thrive on.
Wanting something different is not wrong. Throwing away a lifetime friend is.

exactly, but I dont want to live with a 'fRIEND' I want a lover and a friend and someone who makes me feel wanted and good, someone who tells me he thinks I'm beautiful(even though I'm not)in his eyes. Of course I dont want it to end in the ideal world, we have been through so much together, but life is short, I dont feel like this is a marriage mad in heaven right now, grrrrrrrr

confused, confused.....maybe I just expect the impossible, is it so wrong to want my HUSAND to say nice things every now and again?

Jin xx