[pastapixie]

Long story short my bf of 2 years has been emotionally and verbally abusive to me since the beginning. I'm so unhappy in our relationship and I just want to get out and be free from this, but I can't handle being without him. The idea of not being able to go to him gives me so much anxiety. I get really attached to the men I date but this hasn't happened in years. (I think it may be related to the abuse in some way).
I know I deserve better than this. I know it's wrong. I know this isn't healthy or right but whenever I try to leave him I cave and come back. I feel so stupid and worthless for doing so. I don't have anyone else in my life I'm close to. He's the only person I feel comfortable with so if I leave him I'll be completely alone. I don't know what to do. I want to be able to leave this relationship and not come crawling back like always. How can I have the strength to just leave?

[nicoleflynn]

You have the power to make a good choice and leave. I know how scary it is, I left after a 31 year abusive marriage. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Verbal abuse damages the immune system. Every time you hear verbal abuse cortisol is released and cortisol damages your physical health. One sentence helped me leave; "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself.....win."

[PumpkinPieHead]

Hey Pastapixie, cute username.

Sounds like a bit of therapy to help with self-esteem so you don't feel like you "need" this fella would be good. If seeing a therapist is not an option, your local library has books on improving self-esteem you can check out with your library card.

You are smart and you are strong, don't give up, there is hope. Every long journey begins with a single step.